Wednesday, August 1, 2012

DAY 26: Potty Training & Back in the Saddle

Who hasn't potty trained a toddler?  Either a son/daughter or a little brother/sister/niece/nephew?  I've been involved in more than I would like to admit.  There is something odd that happens in all of them - every time.  The little guy gets really, really solid at taking care of business at home.  He's got the system down.  He knows where the bathrooms are. He knows where the treats are.  He knows what's what.  Then, without warning, his parents will arrogantly pack him in the car and take him to unfamiliar territory.  It may be to show off.  It may be just to get out of the house after days (or weeks) in potty-training quarantine.  Whatever the reason, everything quickly (and soggily) goes sideways.   Wise, practiced parents will have "prepared" by packing extra undies and extra treats.  Unfortunately, no amount of reminding, cajoling, begging or running will help that little guy stay on track.  He's going to have blow-outs, make puddles, and basically set himself back into the potty-training dark ages.  WHY am I writing about this on a juice blog?  Well, I am that little guy.  (NO!  I didn't *actually* have blow-outs or make puddles ((and even if I did, I wouldn't ever ever ever write about it here)) but I did get out of my element and put myself way way way back.)  I almost put this down as DAY 1.2 but I decided this was another instance of IRL.

The cabin is a great place that put me into a great frame of mind.  I was on Jimmy-Buffet time.  I nearly never had my phone on me.  I did manly stuff like split wood, organize tool sheds, build ziplines, and ride my beloved mountain bike.  I even juiced once a day.  But here is the out of the element part.  I had cabin-like, back woods water pressure.  I had NO garbage disposal.  I had my supplies in an under-iced cooler on the porch. (Sorry cucumbers and spinach.  Dispite our differences, I would never commit veggie-side.  You died from neglect not premeditation.)

I am now in New Mexico again.  C-Max and I cleared security late Monday night and we landed in the Sun Port, grabbed a taxi and headed for home (the extended stay down the street from the office).  Tuesday was a no-juice, all-day-in-meetings, loss.  But Tuesday night I went to Wally-World and loaded up.

It has been a challenge.  I have hit the dirt.  The rodeo appeared to be over.  I even grabbed some BBQ Monday evening.  I was giving up.  I rolled out of bed Tuesday morning determined to do better.

DAY 26:

I jumped out of bed.  Cranked up C-Max and worked a plan.  I am going to juice more today then yesterday.  More the next day than the last.  I have to get back in the saddle.  I have to crank this back up.

Today I made:

3 Carrots
3 Cups of Kale
2 Green Apples
1 Small Lemon
1 1/4 Pineapple

I made it twice.  It wasn't bad.  I drank it kind of slowly.  Still with the chill pipe but without golf-ball-through-a-hose-intensity.  It wasn't too bad.  As my brother-in-law was right.  Greens make it gross.  Pineapple makes it taste like nothing.  I am going to back off on the pineapple to find the balance between taste and cost.

I won't tip my hat as to where I ate dinner.  It was a salad with chicken strips at a rather overly-busy chicken establishment.

Tomorrow is my last day on the road and then back to vacation for a few more days. I will checking out of my hotel but continuing to juice at the office.


As a funny side story, I have a nephew that is giving this juicing a try.  He is also attempting to set the record for the worst juice ever concocted.  I don't know what else he put in his DAY 3 juice or how much he made that day, but I do know he juiced 6 cloves of garlic.  He says it was horrid but he managed to get it down.  For that I commend him.  I don't know what that would taste like but I'd imagine it had to be pretty unbearable.

When I say, "Don't die" I mean it.  Don't die from being unhealthy.  Don't die from neglecting yourself and above all . . . Don't die from drinking 6 juiced cloves of garlic.

See you tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

DAY 19: Back from the dead

HE'S ALIVE!  I wish I could say that 2 weeks of this was all I needed and I have moved on to a happy, veggie filled life of kittens and rainbows.  The sad, sorry truth is this has been tough.  The "In Real Life" part of JuiceIRL (yes, that is what IRL means to anyone under 20.  I am so hip.) (You - "Uh . . . I don't think they say "hip".)

So, DAY 13 took me down a peg.  DAY 14 I had a shock.  I was up 3lbs. from the last time I weighed.  I don't know why that shocked me.  Probably because I had done so much better than normal that I thought all my half-sacrifice would have paid off.  (The I remembered the bag of microwave popcorn, the big bag of almonds - it was a Wal-mart bag, not a snack bag - It lasted me 4 days of dibotchery, etc.)  I guess I learned that half-doing this juice thing wasn't going to get me the results I needed.

In true pig headed fashion, instead of recommitting to 100% juice fasting, I went off the deep end.  Day 14 I brought a mason-jar of juice to work, drank that and then ate 1/2 a philly-cheese steak (on the plus side, I did finally find something to mask the gnasty taste of bottled juice), I then got home and at another cold burrito in the fridge (Man, these things are everywhere!), and got ready to go camping.  Can't juice and camp I reckoned so I ate a sleeve of Chips-ahoy, a burger, some soda (it wasn't even good soda but I drank it anyway), a plate of bacon, eggs, pancakes, and hash browns, a turkey sandwich, some wayward fruit that got between my mouth and my next cookie, some granola bars, and some trail mix.  (That was a 23.5 hour camping trip.  When I go to ground, I go ALL the way.)

I got home and went to dinner.  I came home and had a cookie.  That ended Saturday.  I had jumped off the juice wagon, hit the ground with my face, tumbled, and came skidding to a stop.

Sunday I couldn't walk!  (No, not from the metaphorical face plant off the juice wagon)  During my cookie induced camping haze, I may have scaled the Timp Cave trail in 45 minutes.  It's an 1100ft vertical in 1.5 miles.  The 12 year old's I was with didn't think that was fast.  A few adults I was with didn't either, but for a guy who had regained 50lbs in the last 12 months, it might as well have been running.  As I lay in bed with a rolled up heat pad wedged in my lower extremities, I had to make a decision: a) never to hike again hopped up on Chips-Ahoy or b) to get back on the juice wagon.  I fueled up on Vitamin-A (Advil) and packed the family truckster for the trip to Northern Arizona.  

Along the way, there may or may not have been a plate of homemade tacos and semi-homemade peach and cherry pies (yes, both), a Monday morning filled with cheese danishes and Grape-nuts (yes, Grape-nuts.  I was trying the Hot-Fudge-Sundae-and-a-Diet-Coke plan), and more turkey sandwiches and granola bars.  But there had been a change.  I knew I had to come back.  I knew I had to rise from the juice-dead and fire up C-Max.  I almost looked forward to cucumbers and kale.  (Almost.  And I think it was the Chips Ahoy again)  I could hear the Rocky theme music in my head.  (Bah, Badda, Bah, Badda, Bahm, Badda Bahm, Bah Badda Bah Baddam Baddam! - You know the one!)

DAY 18

I juiced once in the morning.  It was gross.  I slurped in down and cursed my rash decision making.  Was a sleeve of Chips Ahoy in the morning really such a bad way to live.  I once knew a 70ish-year-old guy who ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes, Chips Ahoy, and chocolate milk for breakfast every morning while waiting on his bacon and eggs.  Couldn't I live that way?   Probably not.  He didn't eat all the way through the great depression and fought in a world war.  He'd earned the good stuff.  The stuff would certainly kill me.  So I jammed:

1 Cucumber
1 1/2 Lemon
2 Cups of Spinach
2 Green Apples
3 Large Carrots

Into C-Max and dove in.  (Oh my Uuugghhh!  It was as bad as I remembered.)  But with each slurp of despair, I knew I was clawing my way back on the wagon.  (Ironically, while I am writing this, my 36 year-old sister is prancing around the cabin singing "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger".  I don't think she's trying to be funny, but it's working.)

The rest of DAY 18 I made "sacrifices".  I didn't have a treat at Circle-B, I didn't have two s'mores, I didn't have seconds of nachos or guacamole, and I didn't eat the rest of the popcorn.  (Hey!  I'm a recovering former juicer trying to come clean.  It's going to take me some time. *jerk*)

C-Max Jr. - I'm so proud!
C-Max Jr.

I also got some interesting news today.  My nephew decided to juice.  I don't know whose blog he's been reading but it wasn't mine or he would have run the other way.  You go Big M.  Good luck and let me know how it goes.

DAY 19

I rolled out of bed and began to juice.  (Get behind me Satan!)  I dodged the kitchen table piled with cereal boxes, the pantry filled with Granola Thins (BTW, they only make you thin if you eat one a day.  Not one every time you walk by - lesson learned)

I grabbed C-Max and juiced:

1 Cucumber
4 Kale Leaves
3 Cups of Spinach
1 1/2 Lemon
1 1/2 Cantaloupe (oh no.  I had to spell check it)

It wasn't horrid.  I do grimace when I carry it to the table.  No one said this was easy.  (BTW - for those of you who don't think there is fiber in juice, check out the picture.  I let this one sit in the fridge while I cleaned up C-Max.)

I'm going to publish now even though it's just after breakfast.  I'm on a 3G hotspot and don't want to push my luck.  I will chronicle my highs and lows in "housekeeping" tomorrow.  

For those of you (Mikie) who are contemplating juicing, remember:

- Drink LOTS of water.  You are detoxing your body (especially in the beginning) and the toxins will make you feel lousy.  "Flush" them out!

- Drink before you get hungry.  Otherwise you'll zombie stumble around and won't even know why.

- Juice has all the vitamins and stuff that eating the veggies/fruits has.  But because you are liquefying it, you give up the non-soluble fiber which allows you to absorb nearly 90% more of the nutrients.

- You can't juice Twinkies - even if you freeze them first.

Friday, July 20, 2012

DAY 13: Lucky # 13

Lucky 13.  On the road.  Trying to juice.  It's just after midnight start of DAY 13.  I should be in bed.  I am flipping channels and (unfortunately) watching Food Network.  I may not be able to have a quadruple cheese burger with a full pound of hand breaded onion rings (You should see this thing!  It looks awesome!) but there is an honor-system convenience store down stairs.  (I am a sad, sad weak man.)  3/5th of a Hershey Bar later and I am feeling less than proud of myself.  (The sugar buzz is helping me feel a little better though)  In real life time . . . I have to look at this on a scale.  Not a weight scale but a justice is blind balance.  Usually on my per-diem fueled business trips I spend $30 - $35 on fast food and big meals and another $5 - $10 on junk and treats. That is how a per-diem works.  You can do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want as long as it meets IRS guidelines for how much they say you should spend per meal.  So here I am, early on the morning of my 4th day on the road and I have failed to the tune of one Hershey Bar.  On the scale of fail - not that bad.

Yesterday I got a question from the only person who's actually read my blog and asked a juicing related question.  She's two for two if I ever get around to an FAQ.

Cortney  July 19, 2012 7:59 PMJuicer Dan, what are the benefits of celery and cucumber? Would it be better to just leave them out and add in more of a different vegetable that is more "palatable"?

@Cortney - It's funny you should ask.  Reading between the lines, I interprete your question to mean, "Why do you keep drinking stuff you don't like?"  Well, I have been thinking about the same darn thing.  (More about that later)  In answer to your question, first I will answer it in my words.  The benefit of drinking veggies over fruit is the same benefit of eating veggies over fruits.  There are more nutrients and essentials in veggies.  Fruit is sweeter, which means along with the nutrients comes higher levels of fructose.  In theory, mixing the two has the benefit of drinking veggies with the sweetness of fruit to mask the yuckiness. According to Mayo Clinc and the guys at, ". . . because juicing removes the (non-soluble) fiber from fruit and veggies, your body absorbs fructose sugar from fruit juice more easily and this can upset blood sugar levels. Vegetable juices other than carrot and beet, which work similarly to fruit juice, don’t have this negative effect, which is why many health professionals encourage us to drink more veggie juices and limit fruit juice to a glass a day." Here's my solution:  I've decided to do shots!  (No I haven't gone off the deep end.  I'm still going to be able to show my face in church.)  I'm doing green shots.  In essence, I'm going to juice the greens, shoot them down and then enjoy a glass of yummy fruit juice.  We'll see what happens.

30 Oz of Joy and 4 Oz of Death.  Here goes!

Vase #11 Apple1 1/4 Cantaloupe1 1/4 Pineapple1 Orange Measuring Cup #2 2 Cups Spinach1 Cup Kale This idea took shape last night (pre-Hershey bar) when I realized that 50% of what I am doing is really tasty and enjoyable.  By mixing in the 50% of horribleness, I am taking something beauiftul and tasty adding several more ounces of liquid and prolonging my agony.  The Chill Pipe helps speed things along but what if I could make it faster?  (You - What about intraveiniousIt is just made prolonged and mizerable by the 50% that is horrible and disgusting.  Time to do shots! 


Carne Adovada Stuffed Sope
The curse of DAY 13 continues.  In all fairness, I did have to pack up C-Max at 8:00am so for now, I am on my own.  Following the weakness of a midnight Hershey Bar run, my lunch was a fail/compromise.  I went to Little Anita's and ordered a big pile of lettuce surrounded by green chile.  (I am such a liar!  I wish that's all it was.  Bad bad doggy doggy!  It is starting to sound like justification at this point, but on a typical trip to NM, I would have been here at least twice and in one sitting would have wolfed down one of these along with all the beans and rice, a basket of chips, and a sopapilla or two with honey.  Today - as I failed - I ate less than a whole one, no rice, no beans, 2 chips (yes - TWO!) and a single bite of a sopapilla.  I am a loser but at least I am way way way better than I used to be.  Baby steps right?  


(You - Snack!  You just ate a pile of NOT juice!  Me - I know but I need juice.  Despite my gripes and complaints, when I don't have it, I miss it.)

And it's fun to say, "I got Naked in the airport and even on the plane."  (He He.  I am juvenile.  I know.)


Seriously!  Who leaves half a bean burrito AND homemade chocolate chip cookies just laying around??!!  Who does that!  Six hours in airports and on planes.  30 minutes of scripture reading and tucking the kids in.  I walk into the kitchen to unpack C-Max and make sure he made it home ok.  I am grabbing spinach and carrots out of the fridge and there, laying exposed on greasy wax paper is a Beto's bean and cheese burrito.  I shudder, turn around to put my supplies on the counter and have to slide a gallon sized zip lock bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies out of the way.  (AAAAhhhhhh!)  I polish off the 1/2 burrito, cram a cookie in my mouth and stand ashamed in the middle of the kitchen.

Wow!  That's a lot of spinach juice!
3 Cups Spinach
4 Carrots
1 Green Apple

I juice my greens into one glass and my carrots and apple into another.  I slam it down, slug down a glass of water (shudder) and sit down to write this sad blog with a glass of carrot apple juice.  

Tomorrow is another day.  Day 14 has to be better because it can't be worse.  

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

DAY 12: Juice Up-rise and bug on bug love

Life on the road (not eating) is about the worst thing ever.  I loyally stay in a extended stay hotel that happens not to have a pool or Jacuzzi.  I drive longingly by my old per-diem haunts.  I hear the soft whisper of the Blue-corn Chile Relleno Cheese Burger from The Range calling to me as I drive slowly by.  The Little Anitas down the street - where I used to be a green chile swilling Norm actually called to make sure I was OK.  (I am not sure how they got my phone number.  That was a little creepy actually.  And untrue - but I am sure I was missed this week.)

I also may have over bought on my supplies.  This - of course - is usually just fine with the hotel staff who cleans up after me.  However, unlike my usually Pop-Tarts, Triscuits, Soda, etc, I imagine they will be highly disappointed to find left over fennel bulbs, celery, swiss chard, and cucumbers.  (Maybe I'll leave a paper in the fridge inviting them to watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  (It's the gospel of juicing and I will not be ashamed to be numbered among the believers.)


Fennel Bulb
You may notice that the recipes are getting larger and crazier.  I don't want to leave anything yummy in the fridge so I have to get creative.  I started the day with the requisite 1/4 Lemon + Hot Water.  Then I spied the fennel bulb and realized I hadn't tried that yet.

1 Fennel bulb
1 Pear

It was pretty tasty but it will take some serious getting used to.  Fennel tastes like anise which tastes a lot like black licorice.  Pair that with pear and it is sweet and pungent.  Not in a bad way, just in a new way.  I then turned back to the juice I was in the process of making which was:

1 Apple
1 Cucumber
1 Celery
1 1/16 Pineapple
1 1/5 Watermelon

I downed that and promptly threw up.  At least I think it was throw up.  Let me explain my confusion.  Typically when one vomits, that which comes out contains but does not resemble that which went in.  In the case of a juicer, it was relatively surreal because it was like my body had just thrown itself in to reverse.  What I had just put in - exactly as it originated - exited my body.

(You - No Duh.  You liquefied like 14 things, poured them down your gullet and were then somehow  confused when it made a reappearance.  We've been waiting for 12 days for you to throw up or go crazy and it appears to have happened all at once.)

Lesson learned - don't try all the recipes at the same time.  It might end you.  With all the excitement I forgot to snap a photo.
Jack LaLanne



It was brown green drinkable and nothing more.  I am getting somewhat used to drinking that which does not appeal.  No reappearance so that was good.  BTW -  Arnold Schwarzenegger once stated, "That Jack LaLanne's an animal!," after LaLanne, at 54, beat a 21-year-old Schwarzenegger "badly" in an informal contest.  On the occasion of LaLanne's death, Schwarzenegger credited LaLanne for being "an apostle for fitness" by inspiring "billions all over the world to live healthier lives," and, as governor of California, had earlier placed him on his Governor's Council on Physical Fitness.  (He's not my idol yet.  Once I buy the one piece blue jump suit, you'll know I have gone over the edge.  Hey, it could be worse.  I could idolize Richard Simmons.


Going for broke.  Emptying the fridge.  I saved some good stuff for the morning and put the rest down C-Max:

1/4 Pineapple

Notice no fennel.  After this morning, I am a bit gun shy.  I realized today that I have a boring blog when I have a boring life.  Here I sit in a bland hotel, drinking bland juice and wishing I could use my per-diem for some real food.

As you may notice, I went three for three on NOT taking pictures of my juices.  I even had two shots at breakfast and I missed both. (Oooooo yuck.  Not funny.)  So I thought I would show you something I discovered today while driving around for work.  I really did take this with my very own phone.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

DAY 11: Vase full of yucky

The craziest part of this journey is that I roll out of bed with more energy.  No.  Not run a marathon in the morning and mow the lawn at noon energy, but where I am now is a big step up from where I was.  It is pretty cool.  More energy.  Less weight.  Not a bad deal.  Now if I just didn't have to drink these darn veggies.

On another front, I have gotten a lot of comments about yesterday's post.  So, some housekeeping.

@Mark - No.   It is not appropriate to get Naked all the time.  If the choice is Naked or a soda, I always choose Naked.  As for when you're in public or around others, it's best to invite them to get Naked with you so you don't feel weird by yourself.  Oh, and my favorite is "Green Machine".  It's full of superfoods and others look at you funny because you are drinking something that looks like it's off the set of "You Can't do that on Television."  Hope that helps.


Rolled out of bed and hit snooze.  Not because I needed to but because I thought, "Why is my alarm set for so early?"  Then I realized that it takes me at least 20 minutes to juice, clean up and start drinking.  (That's why I set my alarm so early.  Duh.)  What I've learned is that juicing recipes are hard to find for what you have on hand and it's hard to buy the supplies for a juice you haven't had yet because it could be HORRIBLE!  (Hey, it would be cool if your recipes were organized somehow instead of 180 recipes one after the other with no rhyme or reason or way to search, sort or select ingredients.)

So I am back to winging it.  I try to make it more veg than fruit.  Here's breakfast.

1 Apple
1 Pear
1 Carrot
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Cucumber

I mixed these two containers together and was left with something slightly orange and mostly "blah".  Swigged it down with the Chill Pipe and got ready to rock and roll.  Not much funny going on.  All just work.


I did discover ONE thing about being on the road and juicing that is really cool.  (I capitalized one because there is only one and here it is)  You get the dishwasher all to yourself.  That's it.  Silver lining found.  I decided this morning that I need a mason jar.  This juicing into small stuff and trying to add ice is 1) a real pain, 2) making it so I drink less, 3) very annoying.  (Issue 2 being the most important here.  Let's face it everything about juicing is a pain and annoying.)  I also realized this morning that today is the first time since I started juicing that I have taken my allergy meds.  (Warning!  These claims have not been evaluated by the FDA and JuicerDan is not a doctor)  I have not taken an allergy pill in 11 days.  I took one today just to be sure I was on my game.  I have heard so much about how pineapple can cover the taste of anything so I said to myself, "Self.  We can't just enjoy pineapple juice.  We have to suffer."  This is what I came up with:

1 Peach
3 Kale leaves
1 Cucumber
1 Celery
1 1/3 Pineapple

Pineapple lived up to it's reputation.  It covered the taste of the kale, the cucumber, and the celery.  It did have something odd though.  It tasted buttery.  Not real butter buttery.  More like fake butter at a bad movie theater on your popcorn buttery.  Weird.

My juice vase

I went to a thrift store and although I didn't find a mason jar, I did buy a $.99 vase.  I've heard about how watermelon will go a long way to disguise other stuff.  Here is what I decided to subject myself to:

1 1/3 Watermelon
1 Cucumber
6 Swiss Chard
1 Celery
1 1/8 Pineapple

It was pretty good.  It was easy to drink and it didn't make me want to die.  I don't have very much else to say.  I am bored.  I miss using my per-diem.  I want to eat.  I broke down about 8pm and almost went to dinner.  I even got dressed and planned where I would eat and what I would have.  Big green salad, Sunflower Seeds, Crumbled white cheese, onion, carrots, and a little blue-cheese dressing and green chili.  Oh baby.  I'd cut off my right pinky toe (the broken one) to have one right now.  Instead I went to Wal-mart and bought a bag of smoked almonds.  Each one I ate I would chew until it disappeared.  I probably ate 30 in all.  I miss salty, crunchy stuff.  I even microwaved some so I could have something hot.  Lame I know.  That was my binge.

Monday, July 16, 2012

DAY 10 - Naked on a plane

Today marks a new chapter in JuiceIRL - My Juice Journey.  It's Monday and I am traveling again.  Thanks to Wi-Fi enabled planes, I'm typing this somewhere between Las Vegas and New Mexico.  Last night (at the end of my worst juicing day every thank you very much), I was wrestling with a decision - to juice or not to juice?  (That is the question)  You see when I travel; I am on a per-diem.  For those unfamiliar, a per-diem is a wonderful, horrible system in which business travelers are paid to eat.  Well, not exactly.  They are given an allowance from which they can only eat.  No movies.  No baseball games.  Just food.  (Oh, and adult beverages for some reason.  Me - "So I can't see a movie but you can have a beer.  I get it.  Sounds fair.")

Anyway, the per-diem has opened my culinary horizon quite a bit.  I have found some wonderful places to eat.  On the road food becomes a means to escape your hotel room at night, to connect with an employee, or get away from the office.  It has also expanded my waist line to its current, bulging status.  At the peak of porkification, even my size-38 Sansabelts were starting to complain.  (Hey man!  We're sansabelts.  Not the Hoover Dam!  We can't hold EVERYTHING back!)

So the dilemma:  On the eve of my worst juice day every, facing the per-diem, knowing that I would have to transport Centerfugious Maximus (C-Max for short - Yes.  I named my juicer.  Didn't you?), and knowing the boredom I would have to endure trapped in my hotel room, I was at a tipping point.  (Not because of the gut. *thanks though*) In a fit of productivity and closing the door on indecision, I made a batch of OJ for the morning, washed and dried C-Max and contemplated packaging.  (My juicer came to me dirty, alone and missing any boxes - for free - from my boat paddling sis-in-law.  *Thanks.  I guess.  Kind of a white elephant.* JK.)

So here we go.  JuiceIRL is on the road.  I will miss the green chili (Oh how I will miss thee.  I am actually a Norm-from-Cheers-like regular at one Little Anitas in New Mexico.  I wonder if they will miss me.)  Oh, and by the way, I took the per-diem as a positive.  Someone else will be picking up the cost of my supplies.  No more same-ol-same-ol for C-Max and me.  We're hitting the web. finding the best recipes and going Mr. Wizard meets Alton Brown on this thing.  Buckle up.  This could be a wild ride. 


Remember that OJ I made last night?  I didn't.  I was 20 minutes down the road when I realized I'd left my juice in the fridge (Sure kids.  You can have daddy's juice.  Just make sure to share.)  I am a bit panicked.  Unlike when I am driving my kids around or hanging out on the beach, I can't be woozy.  (Joking.  No woozy driving.)  I can't be grumpy.  And the TSA will not approve of me wandering around the airport with a C-Max on my back. (Luckily for me C-Max only has spinning cheese grater blades or he wouldn't have made it through security this morning.  He was stopped and given an enhanced pat down.)

I ran through the airport looking for something to drink and I found it.  I can say (for the first and probably the only time), I got Naked on the plane this morning.  I got Naked again in the Las Vegas airport.  (You might think it was too soon but I wasn't sure if/when I'd be able to juice after all.)  I discovered that the only thing more expensive than juicing was not juicing and getting naked all over airports.  


I finished off the Las Vegas Naked, a Coconut Water (with Pineapple - it was almost $5 in the Las Vegas airport but I will be looking for it again.  It was goo-hoood!), and planned my menu for the next four days.


21 different fruits and veggies from 2 different stores.  Wal-Mart for the regular supplies and (a place I really don't belong) Whole Foods for the odds and ends.  $50 in and I think I have enough supplies to cover me for rest of the week.

After yesterday, I decided to turn to the WWW to insure that I didn't make a "milk weed" mistake again.  The first attempt was Apple Cabbage Greens juice:

2 Apples
1 1/4 Red Cabbage
2 Carrots
6 Swiss chard leaves
1 1/4 Lemon

This psychedelic juice turned brown when I stirred it.  On first sip, it tasted like when you chop cabbage and eat it on your tacos.  I added in the lemon juice and then it tasted like nothing.  I would NOT recommend this juice though.  Let's put it this way.  You won't be able to tell if it's you or your kitchen that stinks.  WWW 0 Me 0.  This one tasted OK but the stench alone makes it a lose/lose.


Because I hadn't "eaten" very much today and because the first one didn't make very much liquid, I looked for another recipe I had seen before shopping.  I don't know what happened but I can't find it anywhere.  I think I remembered so I gave it a shot:

1 Apple
2 Cups of cherries
2 Carrots
2 Cups of spinach

The last - the spinach - was an add in because otherwise it was too fruity to be dinner.  It was thick and brownish/blackish and was a 6 out of 10.  Day 10 juicing - Day 1 on the road.  We'll see if I can survive NOT going out for dinner.

I still WILL miss Little Anitas Carne Adovada stuffed Sopapilla with Green Chili.  

Sunday, July 15, 2012

DAY 9: Sunday, That's my fun day.

I have never blamed anything on the juice.  Lack of preparation - My fault.  Lack of timing - My fault.  (Reminder - Drink before you are hungry.  Otherwise, symptoms may include confusion, lack of focus, wandering around your office, grumpiness, irritability, etc.)  However, today at church I just couldn't keep my eyes open.  I fought it through the hymns.  I fought it through the talks.  At one point, while resting my eye, I think some people even thought I was asleep.  It can only be the juice - usually I am bright eyed and bushy tailed for the whole meeting.  Weird huh?


@The Spanglers - Getting someone else to do this for me would be awesome.  But then I would probably blame them for when the juice tastes bad.  Better just set up an alarm or two on my phone.  Keeps everyone else out of the line of fire.

@Alisa - Thanks for the support.  And for not hating me when I mess up your otherwise spotless kitchen.

@Mandy - Energy has been good.  There was also a lot of good stuff to keep me distracted.


Before leaving for Tarahumaras, I decided an extra green juice would 1) help me justify getting off the bandwagon a bit, and 2) help fill me up so I wouldn't get ALL THE WAY off the bandwagon.  Call it a snack.  Call it an offering to the juice demons, a snack, or a primer, it was:
"Fire water"

1 Packing of spinach
1 Kale leaf
1 1/2 Cucumber
1 Little bunch of cilantro
1 Green apple
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Whole jalapeno

You may recall from DAY 2, I had tried jalapeno once before and it added no heat at all.  Well, that was 1/2 a jalapeno with the insides scraped out.  This time I cut the top off and threw the whole thing down the chute.  I finished up the juice, added the ice, and started cleaning up. Up walks my oldest daughter.  Her - "I want a sip."  Me - (thinking of the jalapeno) "You don't want any of that juice it's . . . "  Her - (thinking I was saying she couldn't handle it) "I want to some."  Me - (I'd like to say here that I told her it had a jalapeno and that I was proud of her for being willing to try new things, etc.  Instead, I said,) "Go ahead."

Well, she takes a sip, looks at me and smiles.  Then it kicks in.  The entire jalapeno in a short juice glass.  She told me it was like eating an ice cube that suddenly caught on fire.  Not to be outdone and to prove that I could handle some heat, stuck in the straw and began sucking it down.  First of all - GROSS!  This was a bad decision.  The juice alone was foul and needed to be drunk very quickly to survive.  That was fine but when you stopped to breath or squelch a gag, the heat kicked in and then the face.  Like a bear stung on the nose by a bee.  Shake, squelch, pucker, shake.  Not a good juice.

Back to Sunday . . . 


A quick glass of OJ and off to church.  Maybe it's because I bought sweet potatoes this time and not yams, but this batch a) wasn't as orange and b) didn't keep me awake at all.


I am not sure if it was an attempt at penance for straying (on purpose) from my juice fast (BTW - I am going to keep this as un-modified a juice fast as possible), or bravado because I thought I had become immune from the gagifying taste of the kale/cucumber/celery combo but I decided for lunch I would tackle a batch of Joe Cross's "Mean Green" juice:

"Mean Green"
6 Kale leaves
1 Cucumber
4 Celery stalks
2 Green apples
1/2 Lemon
1 piece of ginger

(This is the official juice Joe lived off for 60 days.  It is the reason I almost didn't attempt this challenge in the first place.  It makes about a 1.5 jars of juice.  I scaled the recipe back a bit to get this much juice.)  Man OH MAN!  This stuff is SO foul that I literally (usually I speak quite figuratively) almost lost it all over the table.  

Now, you may recall I am pig headed. (My daughter appears to have a pretty hefty dose as well)  I haven't thrown away a juice yet and this was to be NO exception.  I stuck in the ice and the chill pipe and went to work.  It was only bad when I stopped drinking really really fast.  My oldest son watched me and asked, "Is that really that bad?"  I replied (after retching, shaking and cursing him for making me stop drinking to answer his questions, "Have you EVER seen me make THIS face before?"  (For those of you juicers out there that can drink this stuff - day in and day out for one guy I know - I salute you.  You have far more fortitude than I do.  Kudos bretheren.)


Lunch was at 1pm.  I got no nap.  (That is NOT a good Sunday practice.  Sunday is called a day of rest for many, many reasons.  One of them is to take a nap.)  Then came the realization that my oldest was going on a scout camp tomorrow and I hadn't looked at the packing list.  Then came the 20 questions from each of my other children.  Then came "Family Home Evening" (a wonderful tradition in my church that I really do enjoy.  Today's was just tougher than some).  Then it was 8pm and I was grumpy.  (Huh.  I wonder why?  No nap - check.  Stress packing - check.  Locked my keys in my car - forgot to mention that one - check.  Haven't had any "food" in 7 hours on a juice fast - check. check. check.  Ooops.)

(not actually what I drank)
I can now add one more reason not to forget to juice.  Poor recipe skills - check!  I almost hesitate to put this recipe on the blog in fear that someone else will inadvertently recreate it.  In a state of grumpy disillusion, I wrongfully concocted:

1 1/2 Sweet potato
1 Cucumber
2 Green Apples
1 Handful baby carrots
1 1/2 Lemon 

This is not bad in the sense of the "Mean Green" I consumed for lunch.  That is a well built juice recipe that just happens to disagree with my palate in every way.  THIS monstrosity was just wrong on so many levels.  Ironically, my oldest actually said to me (for the first time since beginning JuiceIRL), "Hey Dad.  That one doesn't look half bad.  What's in it?"  I told him.  "Oh. (nervous that I may offer him some) Never mind."  It was milky, greenish, orangish putrescence in a jar.  (My phone died so no actual picture.  The eyeball thing is a candle I found on the web.)  I utilized ever bit of cubic volume of the Chill Pipe and all my lung capacity and took it down in two pulls.  Even with velocity, this one was just a crime against juicing nature.  DO NOT ATTEMPT.  This is not the cinnamon challenge people.  If you are going to drink this, don't film it for YouTube, have poison control on stand-by instead.  Bad.  Bad.  BAD.

I am not going to lie.  Today has been hard.  Probably the hardest day I have had.  First the "Fire Water".  Then a taste of real food.  (Then no nap - except if you believe the guy sitting behind me in church)  Then the "Mean Green".  Then "Milk Weed".  (Good name for it.)  I have, even before my Dinner disaster (but after waiting 7 hours to juice ironically) contemplated several times today just giving up.  I'm down ten right?  Pretty good.  But my goal was more.  

(Actually haven't set a goal or a time frame.  Maybe it's time to consider one.  You - "Or quit.  This sounds really horrible."  It's like a blog/juicing train wreck.)

P.S. My daughter 'enjoying' the "Fire Water" juice.