DAY 3 - Oh boy.

Welcome one and all to the JuiceIRL Membership Drive.  If you are enjoying the programming you are hearing here on JuiceIRL, tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell complete strangers.  It won't cost you a thing.  (Sorry, I'm all out of commemorative tote bags.)  This seems to be working.  Not the juicing, the writing.  Don't get me wrong, I am still on the juicing bandwagon and all, but I have been surprised - nay shocked - at the support.  People are reading and commenting.  I'm pretty sure most of them (you know who you are) are waiting to see if I die mid-sentence.  But hey . . . I feel a little like a juice-making Maximus Aurelius!  Are you not entertained?!  

MC Escher eat your heart out.
A picture of my blog on my blog.  Whoa!

DAY 2.1

First of all, last night at about 10:45pm I needed my "snack".  Since I know of no rule that says I can't, I fired up the juicer and concocted:

1 - Cucumber (yes, the whole thing.  I ain't yellah!)
2 - Green Apples
1 - Pinky sized piece of Ginger.

Let me be frank.  (You: "Be whoever you want.  It's your blog.")  I still hate juiced veggies.  Cucumbers and I will never be friends.  But I am either losing my taste buds or my mind because I almost (almost) enjoyed it.  The combination of juice fast and the lack of a Sunday nap is getting to me.  I better stop writing or I may regret it.  Anyway, I have to go clean my juicer for the 4th time today.  Wha. Wha.  If I find a juice I like - that I think is healthy enough to "qualify" - I may have to start making batches.  This dishes thing is getting old.

DAY 3 - My first "Real" day


So how's this for real.  I go to bed just before 2:00am and am awake before 7:00.  No, I am not brimming with new found energy and a zest for life thank you very much, but I am up none the less.  I waited up until after mid-night so I could go to the store for more supplies.  No shopping on Sunday - check.  Lamest "beverage run" in history - check.  I got the requisite carrots, cucumbers, apples, etc. and even went a little crazy and bought 3 cantaloupe (brain's ok I can still spell it), and a couple mangoes.  Man, if I'm getting this geeked-out over supplies at this point imagine a couple days from now!  Weeeeeee!


Anyway,  This morning I decide to "batch" up some "OJ" (see yesterdays post for details), but I am feeling a little guilty that I enjoyed it SO much.  "Must mean it's not good for me."  So I decide to green it up a bit.  Here are the results:


Blender 1 - the pretty one
1 - Cantaloupe
2 - Sweet potatoes
5 - Carrots


Blender 2 - the evil green
1 - 1/2 lb bag of spinach
1 - Cucumber


Don't let the little picture fool you, that is A LOT of spinach/cucumber juice.  (It's a big blender OK!)  So much so that I almost chucked the whole second blender.  Oh the siren song of my beloved OJ.  I'll spare the horror of what my beautiful OJ looks (or tastes like) after I mix these two vessels together but I packed it all up in two mason jars, some bags of ice and a padded cooler and headed to work.  Wish me luck.  This is when the IRL of JuiceIRL really kicks in.


@work - OK.  This stuff is bad.  Not bad like straight "Mean Green" bad.  Not even bad like cucumber/celery bad.  But it's no OJ let me tell ya.  It's like OJ got jumped by cucumber and they are fighting in my mouth.  Cantaloupe up front - evil cucumber aftertaste.  Live and learn.  (Thank goodness for spell check I almost spelled that "lirn".  Cantaloupe.  Yep still good.)  I can't taste the 2 tons of spinach at all.  It's like it isn't there.  I'll have to Google this and see if I have to have cucumber.  (Maybe I'll ask ChaCha: "Do I have to ruin my day by drinking cucumber juice."  That should come up with some fun results.)


@work update - I RUINED MY OJ!  First jar down.  BTW - the cucumber taste stays with the cup.  Chuck the ice, chuck the cup.  I figured out it was best to shake up the mason jar, and suck down 1/2 a jar or so in one shot.  I tried to drink from the same plastic cup I had my first morning juice in and it was like lightly cucumbery (gagifying) icewater similar to a ladies book club "punch".  It never went away!  I drank 2 full cups of water trying to see if it would go away.  I cheated and added Crystal Light to the 3rd.


@work update - Today was HARD HARD HARD.  I went too long between juices.  At one point I think I was wandering the halls.  A co-worker asked me if I was OK.  I'd "remember" why I felt funny and pound down some juice and water and be fine.  I ended up walking in the heat and driving all over kingdom come.  I forgot water and juice during all this.  Bad idea.  Very bad idea.


DINNER:


If you can call running in the door at 8:10pm, draining the last 1/3 of a mason jar of ruined OJ, and piling three kids in the car dinner then that's what this is.  Otherwise, it's Real Life!  When I got home from the rushed round trip, I was cranky, my head hurt and I knew I needed either a Twinkie or a juice.  Since I knew I would have to face all of you (who am I kidding, I could have just stop writing and you'd all just assume I'd died), I decided to juice:

1 - Gala Apple
1 - Carrot
1 - Sweet potato
1 - Red Pepper (a really big one)
1 - Mango

Funny story about the mango.  I cut it in half and before I could even stop myself, I had shoved the free half in my mouth skin and all and began sucking like a new born giraffe.  I was out of my mind.  I think I swallowed the sticker.  I barely got the skin out before it went down the hatch.  I'm not sure what that was but I now identify with the zombies from the Walking Dead.  (Can't wait for Season 3.  AMC send me a t-shirt.  Shhhhh.  Don't tell.  It's bad.  Don't watch it.)

Anyway, the mango aside (better yet - inside), I have to tell you 1) this was supposed to have 2 beets in it (imagine what color it would have been then - this stuff was already like traffic cone paint) and 2) the red pepper overwhelmed everything.  I mean up front you could taste some mango but stop drinking and that red pepper hit like a hammer.  I like red peppers.  Roasted on pizza they are awesome.  Grilled in Fajitas they are superb.  Juiced - not the best.  Don't believe me?  I'll make you some Traffic Cone any time you want to challenge me on this one!  (Bring it on!!!)

SNACK:

I read somewhere that I was supposed to start and end the day with herbal tea.  I have some left over from HCG.  It's probably still good right?  (Wrong.  It's herbal tea.  It wasn't good when it was fresh.)  I am drinking some Orange Spice with some extra lemon in it.  Passable.  Could be worse.  Could be celery.

LESSONS LEARNED:

Today was my first IRL day.  I learned that there is no such thing as regular day.  I didn't get enough sleep.  My wife ran me around Temple Square and the Tabernacle.  (It was really cool to see her in action.)  I had to work on spreadsheets and getting people through the hiring process.  I forgot to drink until I was woozy.  I had a hecka crazy rushing evening from Costco, to car swaps, to canyon runs, to dealing with kids (who are awesome BTW).  Juicing lessons you say?  How about:

1. Morning juice should be something you like.  It's your breakfast after all and it's going to get you through the morning.
2. Drink before you are woozy.  It scares people when you stumble around the office.  (Sorry Steph)
3. Drink out of the jar or a glass or a disposable cup you never want to see again.  Plastic + Cucumber is an eternal union.  Trust me - it ain't pretty.
4. Bringing your juice on ice in a puffy little cooler give you ice for your ice-water.
    (Hey a positive note!  Better quit)

P.S. Thanks for reading.  Seriously.  Even if you aren't, it feels like you are and it keeps me going.  Still here. Still alive.  I went a little zombie giraffe baby on a mango and got a little extra sticker/fiber in the process.  Didn't make anyone else cry.  Managed to smile a few times and even hugged one of my kids.  Good day.  Good day.

Hurry and tell your friends about this.  I may keel over tomorrow.

DAY 2 - "Orange Juice"

Well, I'm still here.  And I feel pretty good.  I don't know if this is going to be a journal of my experience or a Q&A with others who are thinking of attempting the same thing or if I'm going to monetize this and make all of you unsuspecting readers into income.  Probably none of the above.  I have started a journal more times than I can count.  So far no one has asked me any questions.  And let's be honest - you guys are broke.

DAY 2

BREAKFAST:

"Orange Juice" - Nectar of the gods

I read somewhere - probably on the blog on the "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" website - that it was OK to start the day with a fruit heavy juice.  I decided to give that a shot.  In a reverse of the "Eat a live frog first thing in the morning" philosophy, I decided to start the day off with something I hoped I would like and see where the rest of the day took me.  This beautiful concoction - heretofore known as "Orange Juice" - is made up of:

1 - 1/2 Cantaloupe*

1 - Sweet potato

3 - Carrots

THIS JUICE IS AWESOME!  I will drink this one again.  (Not today because as you can see from the picture, my kids promptly polished off the rest of the melon.  Sigh....)  I guess I found one benefit of all this juicing of gross stuff . . . the kids don't eat my supplies.  I'll have to make a bigger batch of "OJ" next time and save half for later.  I know just the thought that it has carrots AND sweet potatoes will keep them at bay.   (* Did you know how to spell cantaloupe?  Neither did I.)

LUNCH:

The dilemma . . . can't make more OJ because of the aforementioned melon heist.  And the kids are making nachos.  Gooey.  Cheese laden.  Exquisite nachos!  My oldest is making them and he makes them good because he a) has no idea how much that cheese costs and b) he's 15 and built like a body building acrobatic humming bird.  Not jealous.  Just saying.  Ok.  Nachos.  Calls for something spicy right?  Here goes:

1 - Green apple

3 - Carrots

1 - 1/2 Jalapeno (no seeds)

1 - Sweet potato

1 - 1/2 Cucumber

1 - Celery

1 - Large handful of spinach

First, I keep forgetting the lime.  All the recipes call for half a lemon.  I have a bunch of limes so that's what I have been using - or better said - forgetting to use.  Second, cutting down on both celery and cucumber doesn't help.  Using a little of two things I don't like doesn't make it any more palatable. I think I'll eliminate one or the other from the next juice and see which it is that I hate.  And yes, I know.  "Dan, you are juicing to lose weight and be healthier.  You are probably going to have to do lots of things you hate."  I  know.  I am just trying to make it "more" palatable.  It's still going to be juiced veggies.  Third, half a jalapeno with all the insides scraped out didn't add ANY heat.  Good thought.  Poor execution.  As for the nachos - I resisted.  I even sat down with all 7 kids and sucked down my lunch watching them devour $12 worth of cheese.  Nachos 0 Dan 1


DINNER:  Ok.  So after defeating the nachos and then being told I wasn't allowed my usual Sunday nap, I set about working on today's entry.  Then came dinner.  My wife is fasting - not a juice fast, and just for today - so I was tasked with making dinner.  After all, it wouldn't be fair to ask someone who's fasting to cook dinner.  (ironic sigh)   But I'm a trooper so I dug in and made tacos and black beans.  Because I wasn't tasting, I think I may have over garliced the beans.  Payback for the cantaloupe I guess.  So on to my dinner:

They had tacos.  I had . . .

1 - Sweet Potato
1 - Handful of spinach
1 - 1/2 Cucumber
2 - Carrots
1 - Green apple
1 - Pinky sized piece of ginger
1 - Shot of Tabasco
Salt & Pepper
Squeeze of lime



Yes.  I forgot the lime again.  Maybe I am getting dumber.  (I did learn and remember how to spell cantaloupe.  See I did it again.)  This only made about 3/4 of a jar of juice.  I think a mason jar is about 32 oz. so I think I am still OK.  This tells me that the majority of the liquid comes from the dreaded cucumber and celery.  This "dinner" was OK.  I like the kick of the spices, salt and pepper.  The cucumber was present but not gagifying.  I'll have to up the cucumber on the next one and see.

SNACK:

Unfortunately, I don't have the supplies to have both a snack today and juice tomorrow morning.  I am heavy on cucumber and spinach.  Light on apples.  Out of carrots.  And missing half a cantaloupe.

Lesson: Buy more than you need.  Hide the good stuff from your kids.  Stay away from nachos.  And juicing makes you hold odd grudges against your kids.  I'm going to publish early and see if I can handle a walk around the block with the gymnastic humming bird and the cantaloupe thieves.  Wish me luck.

  

DAY 1 - Here we go

221.6 lbs - Oh man!

At one point not too long ago I weighed 183 lbs.  I even got down to 175 for a day.  I was on HCG - a diet that entails eating a very limited menu while either ingesting or injecting a hormone found in pregnant ladies.  In theory - and in fact in practice - this allows one to drop amazing amounts of weight in a very short time period.  In my case roughly about a pound a day.  Did it work?  You bet.  I even told family and friends about it.  Was it safe?  I don't know.  I'm not a doctor.  All I know is that today I am 221.6 lbs. and I need to do something different.

To be clear, I don't know a lot about juicing.  I am going to figure it out as I go.  Also to be clear, I am going to do "My Plan".  I have to do what works for me.  I'll adjust my schedule.  I'll adjust my food intake.  I'll exercise or I won't.  This isn't a recommendation for any of you to do what I have done.  It's therapeutic for me to write this down and if you learn something from my success or failure, more power to you!

PREPARATION:

I've been experimenting on and off with juicing since I watched "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead" a while ago.  I've learned a few things.  First, I hate drinking vegetable juice.  You might think that this is the end of the blog.  We'll I am far too pig-headed to give up just because I hate something.  Second, a straw and ice cubes will be your friend.  The ice makes the juice cold and the straw makes it so you can suck it down real fast without giving yourself a "carrot orange" or "beet red" mustache.  As I've said before, I am going to figure this out as I go.  Some people would probably plan out how long they were going to do this, what they would need from the store, etc.  Me?  I'm just going to go for it!

DAY ONE:

Juicing is messy business

BREAKFAST:

1 - Green Apple
1 - Very large handful of spinach
3 - Stalks of celery
3 - Large carrots
1 - 1/2 Cucumber
1 - "pinky sized" piece of ginger
1 - 1/2 lime

I added the ice to the bottom of the glass to give it the most time possible to cool down "breakfast".
After cleaning everything up, I inserted my straw and gulped it down as fast as I could.  I grimaced and shivered and my daughter asked me, "Was that bad?"  I told her, "Not as bad as yesterday."

LUNCH:

2 - Green apple
1 - Very large handful of spinach
3 - Stalks of celery
3 - Large carrots
1 - 1/2 Beet
1 - 1/2 Lime
1 - 1/2 Cucumber

You'll notice that the juicer has moved.  I am trying to find a home for it where I can leave it set up and minimize movement, clean-up, etc.  You may also notice the red color.  That is from 1/2 a beet.  The straw is your friend.  The beet is not.

I need to mention that I drink equal parts juice and water.  After chugging down my "meal" I fill the glass (or jar) with water and drain that too.

SNACK:

Believe me, I use this term very loosely.  To shake a headache and a feeling on fatigue and boredom, I made an apple-carrot juice.

1 - Green apple
4 - Carrots

It is the best juices I have had.  I'd probably even drink it even if I wasn't trying to "juice fast".

DINNER:

By now, I am already getting tired of the same ingredients.  It's like Mexican food (you know - beans, rice, meat, tortilla, sauce.  Depending on how you put it together it can be a taco or a burrito or whatever)  Except in this case, it isn't bubbly, wonderful or tasty.  So I looked for something new:

1 - Sweet potato
1 - Green apple
3 - Celery
4 - Carrots
1 - XL Handful of Spinach
1 - 1/2 Cucumber

Ok.  I didn't venture very far.  But I bet you didn't know you could juice a sweet potato.  Anyway, it was passable.  I think what I hate is the cucumber and/or the celery.  Celery I eat.  Cucumber I don't ingest in any form.  Maybe I'll cut down on one or the other or both and see if the grimace factor goes down at all.

END OF DAY 1:

Still here.  Still alive.  Still don't like vegetable juice.  On a scale of one to ten, today was a 7.  The beverages were tolerable.  I visited the smallest room in my house many times.  I was a little cranky but I didn't make anyone else cry.  I had a headache but with this many kids, that is somewhat inevitable.

Prologue

As I write . . . How's that for IRL?

Juicing.  Sounds simple enough.  Take a bunch of veggies and some fruit and mash it through a juicer.  I'd seen a friend have some pretty good success with it.  It seems far healthier than some of the other garbage I've tried.  Even if it fails to help me drop weight, at the very least I am getting lots more "plant material" than I usually would.  So, why not.  Let's juice.

About a month ago, I plopped down in front of the TV and pulled up "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" a cheerful sounding documentary about how two guys with way more problems than me decided not to eat any solid food for 60 days.  I came away feeling overly inspired and ready to never eat anything again.  Five minutes later - reality set in.  I have a Real Life.  (Hence the name of the blog.)  I have a bunch of kids.  I have a job that requires me to travel a lot.  I love to eat - both socially and for the pure enjoyment of food.

So how is this going to work?  How can I - a 38 year-old, father of many, "world" traveler, lover of food deal with taking all my meals through a straw?  How long will I make it?  What will be the results?  Will I lose weight before I lose my mind?  Will I cave at the first sight of a plate of Carne Adovada with Chile Verde?  Will it be like every other diet, trick, or fad I've tried?

This blog may last a day, a week or . . .

In other words, can a person like me - namely me - Juice In Real Life?