DAY 26: Potty Training & Back in the Saddle

Who hasn't potty trained a toddler?  Either a son/daughter or a little brother/sister/niece/nephew?  I've been involved in more than I would like to admit.  There is something odd that happens in all of them - every time.  The little guy gets really, really solid at taking care of business at home.  He's got the system down.  He knows where the bathrooms are. He knows where the treats are.  He knows what's what.  Then, without warning, his parents will arrogantly pack him in the car and take him to unfamiliar territory.  It may be to show off.  It may be just to get out of the house after days (or weeks) in potty-training quarantine.  Whatever the reason, everything quickly (and soggily) goes sideways.   Wise, practiced parents will have "prepared" by packing extra undies and extra treats.  Unfortunately, no amount of reminding, cajoling, begging or running will help that little guy stay on track.  He's going to have blow-outs, make puddles, and basically set himself back into the potty-training dark ages.  WHY am I writing about this on a juice blog?  Well, I am that little guy.  (NO!  I didn't *actually* have blow-outs or make puddles ((and even if I did, I wouldn't ever ever ever write about it here)) but I did get out of my element and put myself way way way back.)  I almost put this down as DAY 1.2 but I decided this was another instance of IRL.

The cabin is a great place that put me into a great frame of mind.  I was on Jimmy-Buffet time.  I nearly never had my phone on me.  I did manly stuff like split wood, organize tool sheds, build ziplines, and ride my beloved mountain bike.  I even juiced once a day.  But here is the out of the element part.  I had cabin-like, back woods water pressure.  I had NO garbage disposal.  I had my supplies in an under-iced cooler on the porch. (Sorry cucumbers and spinach.  Dispite our differences, I would never commit veggie-side.  You died from neglect not premeditation.)

I am now in New Mexico again.  C-Max and I cleared security late Monday night and we landed in the Sun Port, grabbed a taxi and headed for home (the extended stay down the street from the office).  Tuesday was a no-juice, all-day-in-meetings, loss.  But Tuesday night I went to Wally-World and loaded up.

It has been a challenge.  I have hit the dirt.  The rodeo appeared to be over.  I even grabbed some BBQ Monday evening.  I was giving up.  I rolled out of bed Tuesday morning determined to do better.

DAY 26:

I jumped out of bed.  Cranked up C-Max and worked a plan.  I am going to juice more today then yesterday.  More the next day than the last.  I have to get back in the saddle.  I have to crank this back up.

Today I made:

3 Carrots
3 Cups of Kale
2 Green Apples
1 Small Lemon
1 1/4 Pineapple

I made it twice.  It wasn't bad.  I drank it kind of slowly.  Still with the chill pipe but without golf-ball-through-a-hose-intensity.  It wasn't too bad.  As my brother-in-law was right.  Greens make it gross.  Pineapple makes it taste like nothing.  I am going to back off on the pineapple to find the balance between taste and cost.

I won't tip my hat as to where I ate dinner.  It was a salad with chicken strips at a rather overly-busy chicken establishment.

Tomorrow is my last day on the road and then back to vacation for a few more days. I will checking out of my hotel but continuing to juice at the office.

HOUSEKEEPING:

As a funny side story, I have a nephew that is giving this juicing a try.  He is also attempting to set the record for the worst juice ever concocted.  I don't know what else he put in his DAY 3 juice or how much he made that day, but I do know he juiced 6 cloves of garlic.  He says it was horrid but he managed to get it down.  For that I commend him.  I don't know what that would taste like but I'd imagine it had to be pretty unbearable.

When I say, "Don't die" I mean it.  Don't die from being unhealthy.  Don't die from neglecting yourself and above all . . . Don't die from drinking 6 juiced cloves of garlic.

See you tomorrow.

 

DAY 13: Lucky # 13

Lucky 13.  On the road.  Trying to juice.  It's just after midnight start of DAY 13.  I should be in bed.  I am flipping channels and (unfortunately) watching Food Network.  I may not be able to have a quadruple cheese burger with a full pound of hand breaded onion rings (You should see this thing!  It looks awesome!) but there is an honor-system convenience store down stairs.  (I am a sad, sad weak man.)  3/5th of a Hershey Bar later and I am feeling less than proud of myself.  (The sugar buzz is helping me feel a little better though)  In real life time . . . I have to look at this on a scale.  Not a weight scale but a justice is blind balance.  Usually on my per-diem fueled business trips I spend $30 - $35 on fast food and big meals and another $5 - $10 on junk and treats. That is how a per-diem works.  You can do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, drink whatever you want as long as it meets IRS guidelines for how much they say you should spend per meal.  So here I am, early on the morning of my 4th day on the road and I have failed to the tune of one Hershey Bar.  On the scale of fail - not that bad.


Yesterday I got a question from the only person who's actually read my blog and asked a juicing related question.  She's two for two if I ever get around to an FAQ.


Cortney  July 19, 2012 7:59 PMJuicer Dan, what are the benefits of celery and cucumber? Would it be better to just leave them out and add in more of a different vegetable that is more "palatable"?


@Cortney - It's funny you should ask.  Reading between the lines, I interprete your question to mean, "Why do you keep drinking stuff you don't like?"  Well, I have been thinking about the same darn thing.  (More about that later)  In answer to your question, first I will answer it in my words.  The benefit of drinking veggies over fruit is the same benefit of eating veggies over fruits.  There are more nutrients and essentials in veggies.  Fruit is sweeter, which means along with the nutrients comes higher levels of fructose.  In theory, mixing the two has the benefit of drinking veggies with the sweetness of fruit to mask the yuckiness. According to Mayo Clinc and the guys at FoodRepublic.com, ". . . because juicing removes the (non-soluble) fiber from fruit and veggies, your body absorbs fructose sugar from fruit juice more easily and this can upset blood sugar levels. Vegetable juices other than carrot and beet, which work similarly to fruit juice, don’t have this negative effect, which is why many health professionals encourage us to drink more veggie juices and limit fruit juice to a glass a day." Here's my solution:  I've decided to do shots!  (No I haven't gone off the deep end.  I'm still going to be able to show my face in church.)  I'm doing green shots.  In essence, I'm going to juice the greens, shoot them down and then enjoy a glass of yummy fruit juice.  We'll see what happens.

30 Oz of Joy and 4 Oz of Death.  Here goes!

BREAKFAST (SHOT):



Vase #11 Apple1 1/4 Cantaloupe1 1/4 Pineapple1 Orange Measuring Cup #2 2 Cups Spinach1 Cup Kale This idea took shape last night (pre-Hershey bar) when I realized that 50% of what I am doing is really tasty and enjoyable.  By mixing in the 50% of horribleness, I am taking something beauiftul and tasty adding several more ounces of liquid and prolonging my agony.  The Chill Pipe helps speed things along but what if I could make it faster?  (You - What about intraveiniousIt is just made prolonged and mizerable by the 50% that is horrible and disgusting.  Time to do shots! 


LUNCH:

Carne Adovada Stuffed Sope

The curse of DAY 13 continues.  In all fairness, I did have to pack up C-Max at 8:00am so for now, I am on my own.  Following the weakness of a midnight Hershey Bar run, my lunch was a fail/compromise.  I went to Little Anita's and ordered a big pile of lettuce surrounded by green chile.  (I am such a liar!  I wish that's all it was.  Bad bad doggy doggy!  It is starting to sound like justification at this point, but on a typical trip to NM, I would have been here at least twice and in one sitting would have wolfed down one of these along with all the beans and rice, a basket of chips, and a sopapilla or two with honey.  Today - as I failed - I ate less than a whole one, no rice, no beans, 2 chips (yes - TWO!) and a single bite of a sopapilla.  I am a loser but at least I am way way way better than I used to be.  Baby steps right?  


SNACK:


(You - Snack!  You just ate a pile of NOT juice!  Me - I know but I need juice.  Despite my gripes and complaints, when I don't have it, I miss it.)


And it's fun to say, "I got Naked in the airport and even on the plane."  (He He.  I am juvenile.  I know.)


DINNER:

Seriously!  Who leaves half a bean burrito AND homemade chocolate chip cookies just laying around??!!  Who does that!  Six hours in airports and on planes.  30 minutes of scripture reading and tucking the kids in.  I walk into the kitchen to unpack C-Max and make sure he made it home ok.  I am grabbing spinach and carrots out of the fridge and there, laying exposed on greasy wax paper is a Beto's bean and cheese burrito.  I shudder, turn around to put my supplies on the counter and have to slide a gallon sized zip lock bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies out of the way.  (AAAAhhhhhh!)  I polish off the 1/2 burrito, cram a cookie in my mouth and stand ashamed in the middle of the kitchen.

Wow!  That's a lot of spinach juice!

3 Cups Spinach
4 Carrots
1 Green Apple


I juice my greens into one glass and my carrots and apple into another.  I slam it down, slug down a glass of water (shudder) and sit down to write this sad blog with a glass of carrot apple juice.  


Tomorrow is another day.  Day 14 has to be better because it can't be worse.  

DAY 12: Juice Up-rise and bug on bug love

Life on the road (not eating) is about the worst thing ever.  I loyally stay in a extended stay hotel that happens not to have a pool or Jacuzzi.  I drive longingly by my old per-diem haunts.  I hear the soft whisper of the Blue-corn Chile Relleno Cheese Burger from The Range calling to me as I drive slowly by.  The Little Anitas down the street - where I used to be a green chile swilling Norm actually called to make sure I was OK.  (I am not sure how they got my phone number.  That was a little creepy actually.  And untrue - but I am sure I was missed this week.)

I also may have over bought on my supplies.  This - of course - is usually just fine with the hotel staff who cleans up after me.  However, unlike my usually Pop-Tarts, Triscuits, Soda, etc, I imagine they will be highly disappointed to find left over fennel bulbs, celery, swiss chard, and cucumbers.  (Maybe I'll leave a paper in the fridge inviting them to watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  (It's the gospel of juicing and I will not be ashamed to be numbered among the believers.)

BREAKFAST:

Fennel Bulb

You may notice that the recipes are getting larger and crazier.  I don't want to leave anything yummy in the fridge so I have to get creative.  I started the day with the requisite 1/4 Lemon + Hot Water.  Then I spied the fennel bulb and realized I hadn't tried that yet.



1 Fennel bulb
1 Pear

It was pretty tasty but it will take some serious getting used to.  Fennel tastes like anise which tastes a lot like black licorice.  Pair that with pear and it is sweet and pungent.  Not in a bad way, just in a new way.  I then turned back to the juice I was in the process of making which was:

1 Apple
1 Cucumber
1 Celery
1 1/16 Pineapple
1 1/5 Watermelon

I downed that and promptly threw up.  At least I think it was throw up.  Let me explain my confusion.  Typically when one vomits, that which comes out contains but does not resemble that which went in.  In the case of a juicer, it was relatively surreal because it was like my body had just thrown itself in to reverse.  What I had just put in - exactly as it originated - exited my body.

(You - No Duh.  You liquefied like 14 things, poured them down your gullet and were then somehow  confused when it made a reappearance.  We've been waiting for 12 days for you to throw up or go crazy and it appears to have happened all at once.)

Lesson learned - don't try all the recipes at the same time.  It might end you.  With all the excitement I forgot to snap a photo.

Jack LaLanne

LUNCH:

Watermelon
Carrot
Apple
Spinach
Cucumber

It was brown green drinkable and nothing more.  I am getting somewhat used to drinking that which does not appeal.  No reappearance so that was good.  BTW -  Arnold Schwarzenegger once stated, "That Jack LaLanne's an animal!," after LaLanne, at 54, beat a 21-year-old Schwarzenegger "badly" in an informal contest.  On the occasion of LaLanne's death, Schwarzenegger credited LaLanne for being "an apostle for fitness" by inspiring "billions all over the world to live healthier lives," and, as governor of California, had earlier placed him on his Governor's Council on Physical Fitness.  (He's not my idol yet.  Once I buy the one piece blue jump suit, you'll know I have gone over the edge.  Hey, it could be worse.  I could idolize Richard Simmons.

DINNER:

Going for broke.  Emptying the fridge.  I saved some good stuff for the morning and put the rest down C-Max:

1/4 Pineapple
Apple
Spinach
Kale
Cucumber

Notice no fennel.  After this morning, I am a bit gun shy.  I realized today that I have a boring blog when I have a boring life.  Here I sit in a bland hotel, drinking bland juice and wishing I could use my per-diem for some real food.

As you may notice, I went three for three on NOT taking pictures of my juices.  I even had two shots at breakfast and I missed both. (Oooooo yuck.  Not funny.)  So I thought I would show you something I discovered today while driving around for work.  I really did take this with my very own phone.

DAY 11: Vase full of yucky

The craziest part of this journey is that I roll out of bed with more energy.  No.  Not run a marathon in the morning and mow the lawn at noon energy, but where I am now is a big step up from where I was.  It is pretty cool.  More energy.  Less weight.  Not a bad deal.  Now if I just didn't have to drink these darn veggies.

On another front, I have gotten a lot of comments about yesterday's post.  So, some housekeeping.


@Mark - No.   It is not appropriate to get Naked all the time.  If the choice is Naked or a soda, I always choose Naked.  As for when you're in public or around others, it's best to invite them to get Naked with you so you don't feel weird by yourself.  Oh, and my favorite is "Green Machine".  It's full of superfoods and others look at you funny because you are drinking something that looks like it's off the set of "You Can't do that on Television."  Hope that helps.


BREAKFAST:


Rolled out of bed and hit snooze.  Not because I needed to but because I thought, "Why is my alarm set for so early?"  Then I realized that it takes me at least 20 minutes to juice, clean up and start drinking.  (That's why I set my alarm so early.  Duh.)  What I've learned is that juicing recipes are hard to find for what you have on hand and it's hard to buy the supplies for a juice you haven't had yet because it could be HORRIBLE!  (Hey jointhereboot.com, it would be cool if your recipes were organized somehow instead of 180 recipes one after the other with no rhyme or reason or way to search, sort or select ingredients.)


So I am back to winging it.  I try to make it more veg than fruit.  Here's breakfast.


1 Apple
1 Pear
1 Carrot
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Cucumber

I mixed these two containers together and was left with something slightly orange and mostly "blah".  Swigged it down with the Chill Pipe and got ready to rock and roll.  Not much funny going on.  All just work.

LUNCH:

I did discover ONE thing about being on the road and juicing that is really cool.  (I capitalized one because there is only one and here it is)  You get the dishwasher all to yourself.  That's it.  Silver lining found.  I decided this morning that I need a mason jar.  This juicing into small stuff and trying to add ice is 1) a real pain, 2) making it so I drink less, 3) very annoying.  (Issue 2 being the most important here.  Let's face it everything about juicing is a pain and annoying.)  I also realized this morning that today is the first time since I started juicing that I have taken my allergy meds.  (Warning!  These claims have not been evaluated by the FDA and JuicerDan is not a doctor)  I have not taken an allergy pill in 11 days.  I took one today just to be sure I was on my game.  I have heard so much about how pineapple can cover the taste of anything so I said to myself, "Self.  We can't just enjoy pineapple juice.  We have to suffer."  This is what I came up with:



1 Peach
3 Kale leaves
1 Cucumber
1 Celery
1 1/3 Pineapple

Pineapple lived up to it's reputation.  It covered the taste of the kale, the cucumber, and the celery.  It did have something odd though.  It tasted buttery.  Not real butter buttery.  More like fake butter at a bad movie theater on your popcorn buttery.  Weird.

My juice vase

DINNER:

I went to a thrift store and although I didn't find a mason jar, I did buy a $.99 vase.  I've heard about how watermelon will go a long way to disguise other stuff.  Here is what I decided to subject myself to:

1 1/3 Watermelon
1 Cucumber
6 Swiss Chard
1 Celery
1 1/8 Pineapple

It was pretty good.  It was easy to drink and it didn't make me want to die.  I don't have very much else to say.  I am bored.  I miss using my per-diem.  I want to eat.  I broke down about 8pm and almost went to dinner.  I even got dressed and planned where I would eat and what I would have.  Big green salad, Sunflower Seeds, Crumbled white cheese, onion, carrots, and a little blue-cheese dressing and green chili.  Oh baby.  I'd cut off my right pinky toe (the broken one) to have one right now.  Instead I went to Wal-mart and bought a bag of smoked almonds.  Each one I ate I would chew until it disappeared.  I probably ate 30 in all.  I miss salty, crunchy stuff.  I even microwaved some so I could have something hot.  Lame I know.  That was my binge.

DAY 10 - Naked on a plane

Today marks a new chapter in JuiceIRL - My Juice Journey.  It's Monday and I am traveling again.  Thanks to Wi-Fi enabled planes, I'm typing this somewhere between Las Vegas and New Mexico.  Last night (at the end of my worst juicing day every thank you very much), I was wrestling with a decision - to juice or not to juice?  (That is the question)  You see when I travel; I am on a per-diem.  For those unfamiliar, a per-diem is a wonderful, horrible system in which business travelers are paid to eat.  Well, not exactly.  They are given an allowance from which they can only eat.  No movies.  No baseball games.  Just food.  (Oh, and adult beverages for some reason.  Me - "So I can't see a movie but you can have a beer.  I get it.  Sounds fair.")

Anyway, the per-diem has opened my culinary horizon quite a bit.  I have found some wonderful places to eat.  On the road food becomes a means to escape your hotel room at night, to connect with an employee, or get away from the office.  It has also expanded my waist line to its current, bulging status.  At the peak of porkification, even my size-38 Sansabelts were starting to complain.  (Hey man!  We're sansabelts.  Not the Hoover Dam!  We can't hold EVERYTHING back!)

So the dilemma:  On the eve of my worst juice day every, facing the per-diem, knowing that I would have to transport Centerfugious Maximus (C-Max for short - Yes.  I named my juicer.  Didn't you?), and knowing the boredom I would have to endure trapped in my hotel room, I was at a tipping point.  (Not because of the gut. *thanks though*) In a fit of productivity and closing the door on indecision, I made a batch of OJ for the morning, washed and dried C-Max and contemplated packaging.  (My juicer came to me dirty, alone and missing any boxes - for free - from my boat paddling sis-in-law.  *Thanks.  I guess.  Kind of a white elephant.* JK.)

So here we go.  JuiceIRL is on the road.  I will miss the green chili (Oh how I will miss thee.  I am actually a Norm-from-Cheers-like regular at one Little Anitas in New Mexico.  I wonder if they will miss me.)  Oh, and by the way, I took the per-diem as a positive.  Someone else will be picking up the cost of my supplies.  No more same-ol-same-ol for C-Max and me.  We're hitting the web. finding the best recipes and going Mr. Wizard meets Alton Brown on this thing.  Buckle up.  This could be a wild ride. 

BREAKFAST:

Remember that OJ I made last night?  I didn't.  I was 20 minutes down the road when I realized I'd left my juice in the fridge (Sure kids.  You can have daddy's juice.  Just make sure to share.)  I am a bit panicked.  Unlike when I am driving my kids around or hanging out on the beach, I can't be woozy.  (Joking.  No woozy driving.)  I can't be grumpy.  And the TSA will not approve of me wandering around the airport with a C-Max on my back. (Luckily for me C-Max only has spinning cheese grater blades or he wouldn't have made it through security this morning.  He was stopped and given an enhanced pat down.)

I ran through the airport looking for something to drink and I found it.  I can say (for the first and probably the only time), I got Naked on the plane this morning.  I got Naked again in the Las Vegas airport.  (You might think it was too soon but I wasn't sure if/when I'd be able to juice after all.)  I discovered that the only thing more expensive than juicing was not juicing and getting naked all over airports.  

LUNCH:

I finished off the Las Vegas Naked, a Coconut Water (with Pineapple - it was almost $5 in the Las Vegas airport but I will be looking for it again.  It was goo-hoood!), and planned my menu for the next four days.

DINNER:

21 different fruits and veggies from 2 different stores.  Wal-Mart for the regular supplies and (a place I really don't belong) Whole Foods for the odds and ends.  $50 in and I think I have enough supplies to cover me for rest of the week.

After yesterday, I decided to turn to the WWW to insure that I didn't make a "milk weed" mistake again.  The first attempt was Apple Cabbage Greens juice:

2 Apples

1 1/4 Red Cabbage

2 Carrots

6 Swiss chard leaves

1 1/4 Lemon

This psychedelic juice turned brown when I stirred it.  On first sip, it tasted like when you chop cabbage and eat it on your tacos.  I added in the lemon juice and then it tasted like nothing.  I would NOT recommend this juice though.  Let's put it this way.  You won't be able to tell if it's you or your kitchen that stinks.  WWW 0 Me 0.  This one tasted OK but the stench alone makes it a lose/lose.

DINNER 2:

Because I hadn't "eaten" very much today and because the first one didn't make very much liquid, I looked for another recipe I had seen before shopping.  I don't know what happened but I can't find it anywhere.  I think I remembered so I gave it a shot:

1 Apple

2 Cups of cherries

2 Carrots

and

2 Cups of spinach

The last - the spinach - was an add in because otherwise it was too fruity to be dinner.  It was thick and brownish/blackish and was a 6 out of 10.  Day 10 juicing - Day 1 on the road.  We'll see if I can survive NOT going out for dinner.

I still WILL miss Little Anitas Carne Adovada stuffed Sopapilla with Green Chili.