DAY 26: Potty Training & Back in the Saddle

Who hasn't potty trained a toddler?  Either a son/daughter or a little brother/sister/niece/nephew?  I've been involved in more than I would like to admit.  There is something odd that happens in all of them - every time.  The little guy gets really, really solid at taking care of business at home.  He's got the system down.  He knows where the bathrooms are. He knows where the treats are.  He knows what's what.  Then, without warning, his parents will arrogantly pack him in the car and take him to unfamiliar territory.  It may be to show off.  It may be just to get out of the house after days (or weeks) in potty-training quarantine.  Whatever the reason, everything quickly (and soggily) goes sideways.   Wise, practiced parents will have "prepared" by packing extra undies and extra treats.  Unfortunately, no amount of reminding, cajoling, begging or running will help that little guy stay on track.  He's going to have blow-outs, make puddles, and basically set himself back into the potty-training dark ages.  WHY am I writing about this on a juice blog?  Well, I am that little guy.  (NO!  I didn't *actually* have blow-outs or make puddles ((and even if I did, I wouldn't ever ever ever write about it here)) but I did get out of my element and put myself way way way back.)  I almost put this down as DAY 1.2 but I decided this was another instance of IRL.

The cabin is a great place that put me into a great frame of mind.  I was on Jimmy-Buffet time.  I nearly never had my phone on me.  I did manly stuff like split wood, organize tool sheds, build ziplines, and ride my beloved mountain bike.  I even juiced once a day.  But here is the out of the element part.  I had cabin-like, back woods water pressure.  I had NO garbage disposal.  I had my supplies in an under-iced cooler on the porch. (Sorry cucumbers and spinach.  Dispite our differences, I would never commit veggie-side.  You died from neglect not premeditation.)

I am now in New Mexico again.  C-Max and I cleared security late Monday night and we landed in the Sun Port, grabbed a taxi and headed for home (the extended stay down the street from the office).  Tuesday was a no-juice, all-day-in-meetings, loss.  But Tuesday night I went to Wally-World and loaded up.

It has been a challenge.  I have hit the dirt.  The rodeo appeared to be over.  I even grabbed some BBQ Monday evening.  I was giving up.  I rolled out of bed Tuesday morning determined to do better.

DAY 26:

I jumped out of bed.  Cranked up C-Max and worked a plan.  I am going to juice more today then yesterday.  More the next day than the last.  I have to get back in the saddle.  I have to crank this back up.

Today I made:

3 Carrots
3 Cups of Kale
2 Green Apples
1 Small Lemon
1 1/4 Pineapple

I made it twice.  It wasn't bad.  I drank it kind of slowly.  Still with the chill pipe but without golf-ball-through-a-hose-intensity.  It wasn't too bad.  As my brother-in-law was right.  Greens make it gross.  Pineapple makes it taste like nothing.  I am going to back off on the pineapple to find the balance between taste and cost.

I won't tip my hat as to where I ate dinner.  It was a salad with chicken strips at a rather overly-busy chicken establishment.

Tomorrow is my last day on the road and then back to vacation for a few more days. I will checking out of my hotel but continuing to juice at the office.

HOUSEKEEPING:

As a funny side story, I have a nephew that is giving this juicing a try.  He is also attempting to set the record for the worst juice ever concocted.  I don't know what else he put in his DAY 3 juice or how much he made that day, but I do know he juiced 6 cloves of garlic.  He says it was horrid but he managed to get it down.  For that I commend him.  I don't know what that would taste like but I'd imagine it had to be pretty unbearable.

When I say, "Don't die" I mean it.  Don't die from being unhealthy.  Don't die from neglecting yourself and above all . . . Don't die from drinking 6 juiced cloves of garlic.

See you tomorrow.

 

DAY 19: Back from the dead

HE'S ALIVE!  I wish I could say that 2 weeks of this was all I needed and I have moved on to a happy, veggie filled life of kittens and rainbows.  The sad, sorry truth is this has been tough.  The "In Real Life" part of JuiceIRL (yes, that is what IRL means to anyone under 20.  I am so hip.) (You - "Uh . . . I don't think they say "hip".)

So, DAY 13 took me down a peg.  DAY 14 I had a shock.  I was up 3lbs. from the last time I weighed.  I don't know why that shocked me.  Probably because I had done so much better than normal that I thought all my half-sacrifice would have paid off.  (The I remembered the bag of microwave popcorn, the big bag of almonds - it was a Wal-mart bag, not a snack bag - It lasted me 4 days of dibotchery, etc.)  I guess I learned that half-doing this juice thing wasn't going to get me the results I needed.

In true pig headed fashion, instead of recommitting to 100% juice fasting, I went off the deep end.  Day 14 I brought a mason-jar of juice to work, drank that and then ate 1/2 a philly-cheese steak (on the plus side, I did finally find something to mask the gnasty taste of bottled juice), I then got home and at another cold burrito in the fridge (Man, these things are everywhere!), and got ready to go camping.  Can't juice and camp I reckoned so I ate a sleeve of Chips-ahoy, a burger, some soda (it wasn't even good soda but I drank it anyway), a plate of bacon, eggs, pancakes, and hash browns, a turkey sandwich, some wayward fruit that got between my mouth and my next cookie, some granola bars, and some trail mix.  (That was a 23.5 hour camping trip.  When I go to ground, I go ALL the way.)

I got home and went to dinner.  I came home and had a cookie.  That ended Saturday.  I had jumped off the juice wagon, hit the ground with my face, tumbled, and came skidding to a stop.

Sunday I couldn't walk!  (No, not from the metaphorical face plant off the juice wagon)  During my cookie induced camping haze, I may have scaled the Timp Cave trail in 45 minutes.  It's an 1100ft vertical in 1.5 miles.  The 12 year old's I was with didn't think that was fast.  A few adults I was with didn't either, but for a guy who had regained 50lbs in the last 12 months, it might as well have been running.  As I lay in bed with a rolled up heat pad wedged in my lower extremities, I had to make a decision: a) never to hike again hopped up on Chips-Ahoy or b) to get back on the juice wagon.  I fueled up on Vitamin-A (Advil) and packed the family truckster for the trip to Northern Arizona.  

Along the way, there may or may not have been a plate of homemade tacos and semi-homemade peach and cherry pies (yes, both), a Monday morning filled with cheese danishes and Grape-nuts (yes, Grape-nuts.  I was trying the Hot-Fudge-Sundae-and-a-Diet-Coke plan), and more turkey sandwiches and granola bars.  But there had been a change.  I knew I had to come back.  I knew I had to rise from the juice-dead and fire up C-Max.  I almost looked forward to cucumbers and kale.  (Almost.  And I think it was the Chips Ahoy again)  I could hear the Rocky theme music in my head.  (Bah, Badda, Bah, Badda, Bahm, Badda Bahm, Bah Badda Bah Baddam Baddam! - You know the one!)

DAY 18

I juiced once in the morning.  It was gross.  I slurped in down and cursed my rash decision making.  Was a sleeve of Chips Ahoy in the morning really such a bad way to live.  I once knew a 70ish-year-old guy who ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes, Chips Ahoy, and chocolate milk for breakfast every morning while waiting on his bacon and eggs.  Couldn't I live that way?   Probably not.  He didn't eat all the way through the great depression and fought in a world war.  He'd earned the good stuff.  The stuff would certainly kill me.  So I jammed:

1 Cucumber
1 1/2 Lemon
2 Cups of Spinach
2 Green Apples
3 Large Carrots

Into C-Max and dove in.  (Oh my Uuugghhh!  It was as bad as I remembered.)  But with each slurp of despair, I knew I was clawing my way back on the wagon.  (Ironically, while I am writing this, my 36 year-old sister is prancing around the cabin singing "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger".  I don't think she's trying to be funny, but it's working.)

The rest of DAY 18 I made "sacrifices".  I didn't have a treat at Circle-B, I didn't have two s'mores, I didn't have seconds of nachos or guacamole, and I didn't eat the rest of the popcorn.  (Hey!  I'm a recovering former juicer trying to come clean.  It's going to take me some time. *jerk*)

C-Max Jr. - I'm so proud!

C-Max Jr.

I also got some interesting news today.  My nephew decided to juice.  I don't know whose blog he's been reading but it wasn't mine or he would have run the other way.  You go Big M.  Good luck and let me know how it goes.

DAY 19

I rolled out of bed and began to juice.  (Get behind me Satan!)  I dodged the kitchen table piled with cereal boxes, the pantry filled with Granola Thins (BTW, they only make you thin if you eat one a day.  Not one every time you walk by - lesson learned)

I grabbed C-Max and juiced:

1 Cucumber
4 Kale Leaves
3 Cups of Spinach
1 1/2 Lemon
1 1/2 Cantaloupe (oh no.  I had to spell check it)


It wasn't horrid.  I do grimace when I carry it to the table.  No one said this was easy.  (BTW - for those of you who don't think there is fiber in juice, check out the picture.  I let this one sit in the fridge while I cleaned up C-Max.)


I'm going to publish now even though it's just after breakfast.  I'm on a 3G hotspot and don't want to push my luck.  I will chronicle my highs and lows in "housekeeping" tomorrow.  


For those of you (Mikie) who are contemplating juicing, remember:


- Drink LOTS of water.  You are detoxing your body (especially in the beginning) and the toxins will make you feel lousy.  "Flush" them out!


- Drink before you get hungry.  Otherwise you'll zombie stumble around and won't even know why.


- Juice has all the vitamins and stuff that eating the veggies/fruits has.  But because you are liquefying it, you give up the non-soluble fiber which allows you to absorb nearly 90% more of the nutrients.


- You can't juice Twinkies - even if you freeze them first.

DAY 12: Juice Up-rise and bug on bug love

Life on the road (not eating) is about the worst thing ever.  I loyally stay in a extended stay hotel that happens not to have a pool or Jacuzzi.  I drive longingly by my old per-diem haunts.  I hear the soft whisper of the Blue-corn Chile Relleno Cheese Burger from The Range calling to me as I drive slowly by.  The Little Anitas down the street - where I used to be a green chile swilling Norm actually called to make sure I was OK.  (I am not sure how they got my phone number.  That was a little creepy actually.  And untrue - but I am sure I was missed this week.)

I also may have over bought on my supplies.  This - of course - is usually just fine with the hotel staff who cleans up after me.  However, unlike my usually Pop-Tarts, Triscuits, Soda, etc, I imagine they will be highly disappointed to find left over fennel bulbs, celery, swiss chard, and cucumbers.  (Maybe I'll leave a paper in the fridge inviting them to watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  (It's the gospel of juicing and I will not be ashamed to be numbered among the believers.)

BREAKFAST:

Fennel Bulb

You may notice that the recipes are getting larger and crazier.  I don't want to leave anything yummy in the fridge so I have to get creative.  I started the day with the requisite 1/4 Lemon + Hot Water.  Then I spied the fennel bulb and realized I hadn't tried that yet.



1 Fennel bulb
1 Pear

It was pretty tasty but it will take some serious getting used to.  Fennel tastes like anise which tastes a lot like black licorice.  Pair that with pear and it is sweet and pungent.  Not in a bad way, just in a new way.  I then turned back to the juice I was in the process of making which was:

1 Apple
1 Cucumber
1 Celery
1 1/16 Pineapple
1 1/5 Watermelon

I downed that and promptly threw up.  At least I think it was throw up.  Let me explain my confusion.  Typically when one vomits, that which comes out contains but does not resemble that which went in.  In the case of a juicer, it was relatively surreal because it was like my body had just thrown itself in to reverse.  What I had just put in - exactly as it originated - exited my body.

(You - No Duh.  You liquefied like 14 things, poured them down your gullet and were then somehow  confused when it made a reappearance.  We've been waiting for 12 days for you to throw up or go crazy and it appears to have happened all at once.)

Lesson learned - don't try all the recipes at the same time.  It might end you.  With all the excitement I forgot to snap a photo.

Jack LaLanne

LUNCH:

Watermelon
Carrot
Apple
Spinach
Cucumber

It was brown green drinkable and nothing more.  I am getting somewhat used to drinking that which does not appeal.  No reappearance so that was good.  BTW -  Arnold Schwarzenegger once stated, "That Jack LaLanne's an animal!," after LaLanne, at 54, beat a 21-year-old Schwarzenegger "badly" in an informal contest.  On the occasion of LaLanne's death, Schwarzenegger credited LaLanne for being "an apostle for fitness" by inspiring "billions all over the world to live healthier lives," and, as governor of California, had earlier placed him on his Governor's Council on Physical Fitness.  (He's not my idol yet.  Once I buy the one piece blue jump suit, you'll know I have gone over the edge.  Hey, it could be worse.  I could idolize Richard Simmons.

DINNER:

Going for broke.  Emptying the fridge.  I saved some good stuff for the morning and put the rest down C-Max:

1/4 Pineapple
Apple
Spinach
Kale
Cucumber

Notice no fennel.  After this morning, I am a bit gun shy.  I realized today that I have a boring blog when I have a boring life.  Here I sit in a bland hotel, drinking bland juice and wishing I could use my per-diem for some real food.

As you may notice, I went three for three on NOT taking pictures of my juices.  I even had two shots at breakfast and I missed both. (Oooooo yuck.  Not funny.)  So I thought I would show you something I discovered today while driving around for work.  I really did take this with my very own phone.