DAY 8: What is that funny feeling?

La Piazza al Forno's "The Italian Stallion" Pizza

(You - Is he off the wagon?  Good.  I can stop reading this crap.  Me - No.  Just dreaming.)

I had a fun date last night.  My wife and I put on Burn Notice and she fell asleep.  She woke up a little while later and we put on White Collar.  She fell back asleep.  That ended so I put on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (still sleeping) which used to be my favorite show because I love funky, hole-in-the-wall, non-chain restaurants.  I've tried several of Guy's finds and with rare exception have been very, very pleased.  Places that do it right are the best.  Watching last night was a double shot of torture.  I really wanted to see the family owned pizza place in Glendale, AZ but I was 1) really tired, and 2) not in the best frame of mind to watch other people eat really gooey, cheesy wood-fired pizza.  (I will go to this place some day.  Moderation and a good bike ride will help me keep it in check)

BREAKFAST:

I don't really have one.   But too cool.

Due to a nearly forgotten commitment, the family found itself piled into the Wagon Queen Family Truckster bright and early and heading for the church.  Balancing a lack of planning with a desperate need for a "pick-me-up", I whipped up:

12 Green Grapes
24 Baby Carrots

No fuss.  No muss.  No washing, prepping, or cutting.  We hit the church and were promptly assigned bathroom detail (attn: foreshadowing)  The other two families with their respective herd-o-kids in tow had already dusted and vacuumed so we scrubbed, sprayed, mopped and wiped away for an hour.  I got home, decided I needed some greens (big plans tonight), and pulled out the supplies and juiced:


2 Green Apples
2 Plums (They're small)
4 Carrots
1 Cucumber
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Packing of spinach
3 Kale leaves

It was green.  Very green.  It (as shown here) is not for the faint of heart.  One trick about juicing kale is to remove the rib.  Some of them can be bigger around than a pencil.  Plums are good but they add a sludge-like consistency that I am not sure I can continue to endorse.  (Oh ya.  I was going to see if they were even on the Reboot approved list.  Ooops.  Homework for tomorrow.)

You may be asking, "This guy hates vegetables and drinks that?"  I have a theory.  Several actually:

Australia is entirely a land of criminals

1.  I have become dead inside and can no longer taste anything.
2.  I have built up an Iocane Powder like immunity to veggies.
3.  It's the lemon.

I'm not sure.  I hope this experience is preparing me for a life rich in all things green and formerly growing, but I have a feeling it's the lemon that is making it possible to juice spinach and kale and keep it down.  I made short work of the greenery and started searching for my missing Chill Pipe.
FUNNY STORY:

WARNING - If you are a 12 to 14 year-old boy, this is your kind of humor.  If not, read at your own risk.

Toddler Docking Station?

Despite my best efforts, I was unable to get to Wal-Mart yesterday to really get stocked up on supplies.  And two of my girls needed 1) the camp supplies unsecured on our last/failed trip, 2) a birthday present for a party with her little friends.  We're charging through Wally-World shopping like Dad (search and destroy, no doddling) when I get the all to familiar while you're juicing feeling that I have to pee.  Nearly completed with task #1, I realize there is a persistent, odd, pressure feeling from within my bowels.  (Me - "Huh.  What's that.  OH YA.  #2!  Woo hoo!)  You see, not having consumed a great deal of solid materials, the frequency /urgency of #2 is a rarity.  I was beginning to worry that the plumbing was non-functional or something so this was a welcome opportunity to insure that things were working as advertised.  If you're 12 to 14, you're laughing because I am talking about poop.  The rest of you are gritting your teeth hoping this doesn't get worse.  Here's the punch line.  I step into the stall and find bolted on the wall the funniest contraption I have ever seen.  Granted, it's been a while since I've been in this part of the bano, but when did this become a part of our society?  (Junior.  Daddy's got some business to take care of.)  All I can think of is an iPod docking station meets a car-seat.

DINNER:

Tonight we celebrate our dear friend's birthday.  This typically involves a multitude of couples piling into the Truckser and heading for Mexican food.  So dinner tonight will NOT be a typical event for me.  Juicing or better said, a juice fast, involves eating nothing.  You get all of your nutrients through a straw.  Under Reboot guidelines however, it's more about a fruit and (predominantly) vegetable based diet.  Because I am making up my own rules, I am on a self-modified juice fast.  I still plan on having 3 to 4 liquid meals a day and avoiding chewing at every turn.  But dinner with friends - consisting of a lot of salad and a lot of salsa - shouldn't pull me too far from the path to en-lighten-ment (aka - dropping the LB's).  (You - "JuicerDan, Wouldn't that mean either that you are a hypocrite or you didn't fail when you went to Chili's and devoured a table full of buffalo chicken salad?"  Me - "Good questions You.  No.  One both counts.  I am as stated in the prologue making this up as I go along.")

DAY 6: Don't Anger the Machine Trolls

North Beach, Bear Lake, Idaho

Now, I have heard that juicing can make one a bit little foggy between the ears.  Of course, you don't hear this from Joe and the Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead folks.  In my experience, it has been a non-issue unless I forget to drink my juice or water.  Then, as I had to apologize to Steph for a while ago, you wander around your place of employment a little and scare some people.  This isn't a warning to not operate heavy machinery, more just an FYI - juicing takes preparation and attention.  Preparation in taking with you what you'll need for the WHOLE day.  Attention to your timing, your supplies, etc.


I say all this for a reason. . . let's just say some guy and few early risers headed out to the lake at say 7:00am to try and get some of that beautiful glassy early morning water.  And let's say that at some point one of the other people in the boat says, "Um. There is LOTS of water in here."  Most people would stop to investigate right?  Chalk it up to dangerous indifference, inexperienced ignorance or the juice, but I say, "It's a boat.  That happens."  Of course, 3 minutes later when the engine gurgles to a stop and the back carpet is more than a little wet, that same guy might decide to investigate.  (Hey look!  A small geyser-like fountain in the engine compartment of the boat.  Hmmm.  Maybe the boat is water cooled. *I don't own a boat*)  ((Internal internal monologue - "Hey mush-head.  That's a hole in the boat and that is water.  Do the math.  Jam your thumb in the hole or you and I are both going to have a long swim home.))  (Oh.  OK.)

Once again, I don't blame the juice.  I suggest that the guy who took the engine plug out the night before and didn't tell anyone might be to blame.  Granted, I was a bit slow to react but my thumb (and a good bilge pump) saved the day.  (BTW - If I am ever in a disaster movie, I know which sister-in-law to take along.  Like General Patton meets the energizer bunny.  She almost got the boat to plane out with an oar and a water-ski.)

DAY 6

BREAKFAST:

Upon returning from the lake, I find myself in a kitchen filled with bacon, eggs, tortillas, cheese, etc.  (And a brother-in-law with 4 voicemails and 2 texts from the guy who took the engine plug out.  *sigh*)  Now, I may not have mentioned but Breakfast Burritos are one of the foods that given the "What would you eat for the rest of your life?" question would be near if not at the top of my list.  You can't beat cheesy eggs, crispy bacon, country potatoes, and salsa wrapped in a giant, carb ladden tortilla.  The ones in Mexico that they make with bacon grease that are so thin you can see through them are my personal favorites.  (Deep breath)  So I decide to make something special. I've got a mango in the fridge.  (You may recall my earlier out of body, semi-zombie like, baby giraffe episode with a mango.  It could be said that I generally appreciate their fruity qualities.)  Remember, I am trying to resist the temptation of the breakfast burrito.  (Yes, it was the thing I was planning on "accidentally" falling off the juice wagon for.  You caught me.)  So I concoct:

- 1 Mango (avoided shoving it in my mouth)
- 4 Carrots
- 2 Apples
- 1 1/2 Sweet potato
- 1 Cucumber
- 1 over-sized packing* of spinach
- 1 1/2 Lemon (my new "green friendly" friend)

I happily pack my spinach, insert the beautiful mango flesh, throw in four carrots and watch them dance in the juicer, throw in 1/2 an apple and proceed with the cucumber.  In a scene not unlike the boat geyser above, it began to dawn on me that something was amiss when liquid began to suspiciously appear on the counter.  (Hmmm.  Deja Vu.  Equipment problems.  Where do I stick my thumb?)  Turns out an overly ripe mango (meaning anything other than firm) will gum up the chutes like a 1-lb block of cheddar cheese.  So the spinach, carrots, apple and finally the ever present cucumber found a new, far messier way to escape.  (Oh what did I do to the machine trolls to make them so very angry with me?)  After a quick (slow, painful, sticky, out of town and don't know where anything is) clean up, I decided I better make a 2nd juice because we were headed for the lake for a "few" hours.  Went with a version of "light green" because I was running extremely short on supplies.  (Anxiety level pretty high.  If you've ever been to Bear Lake, you know there aren't a lot of produce purchasing locations.)

Notice my 'lil guy in the background - spent all day in a hole

LUNCH:

The batch of "light green" was all the tastier because I got to enjoy it as I baked like a day old raisin.  The "few" hours turned into until 7:00PM.  Upside - everyone had so much fun we couldn't make them leave.  Downside - By the time we cleaned, packed, hauled, loaded and secured a boat and all the beach goodies, we were all so "baked" that we we all forgot how much fun we had just had.
DINNER:


Here is where the seemingless unrelated boat and juicer stories above come into play.  I found myself unprepared for a 7:00pm departure from the lake, boat refueling and drop-off, raspberry shakes for the kids, and a 3 hour drive home.  I failed to the tune of 1 tasty chicken finger.  It was mighty mighty tasty but I chalked this one up to failure to prepare.  I did have the will power to NOT order myself a whole order (man, they were good.  Even at $5 an order and knowing that I'd have to blog a confession, I seriously considered a binge.)


Overall, the juicing on vacation worked very well.  I only failed once because I failed to plan.  I did avoid breakfast burritos and other lake related snacks and goodies.  I traveled without celery which I may need add back into the mix.  I also need to dive in and find some new ingredients.  It hasn't been too bad so far but if I'm going to stick with this, I may need some new ingredients.