Saturday, July 14, 2012

DAY 7? - Am I Done Yet?

Apparently, seven days ago I started juicing.  I don't know if it's the blogging-in-arears (I'm trying to catch up I swear - fault the late nights on vacation), the juicing, or early onset 38-year-old father of 7 craziness, but I have to admit all the days are mashed together.  I know the boat was on Thursday.  Friday is "today".

Where am I?  (Not spacially, I can still spell Cantaloupe)  How has this "trip" been thus far?  (You - Hey, either go crazy and eat your shoe or tell us how much weight you've lost.  Waxing philosophical is for Morrissey ((See kids, in the 80's and 90's we had real music.  Morrissey was poetic and ultra-depressed.  He sang for the Smiths . . .))  OK, anyone under 20, click the link and go learn about real music.  Everybody else - stay tuned)

Anywhos, I woke up this morning needing to get a lot of work work done - the kind I get paid for.  I've been gone for a few days, I'll be traveling for work again soon and my commission statement is due.  But first things first . . .


I've been planning this for while (yeah.  Seven days or so) and wanted to put together a spreadsheet/graph of my weights, muscle %, fat %, (and water and bone) because the scale tracks all that stuff.  (Or does it!)  To my shock and horror (OK, too strong - disappointment and frustration), my EatSmart BSES-06 keeps track of 8 users but doesn't keep track of your stats over time.  (Apparently all other fat, near-sighted, in their undies guys keep a pad and pen at hand when they weight themseleves.  Something I failed to do. *sigh*)

So, the long and short of it, in seven days I have lost 10 lbs. and my tracking data.  (I did learn to spell cantaloupe too)  I feel great.  With the exception of one hapless mango inhalation (I did not inhale. - Now read it again in your best Bill Clinton voice), a kizmet-bound, lesson teaching buffalo chicken salad, and a "failure to plan" lone chicken finger, I have not chewed in 7 days.  I have not had the odd mood swings I had with HCG.  (Look for a comment from my wife below if she disagrees.)  I have not had the headaches or the uncontrollable food cravings either (Man, I used to dream of the day I could eat something.  I'd hide girl scout cookies in the back of the freezer.  I'd even chew stuff and then spit it out.)

I have had good energy levels.  Not great but good.  (If I had great energy levels would I be 5'11" 222lbs?  No, I'd be the mountain bike riding, climb stairs without weezing guy I want to be.  Well watch out 'cus here I come.)

I'll probably have to track my results on my old scale or on the Wii or something.  I'll have better numbers next time.



Something followed us from the lake.  (Besides the dirty clothes, bag of stinky swim-suits, and sunburns)  It followed me and is taunting me as I write.  I can smell it.  I can can almost taste it.  It's woeful wailing calls to me.  It is the dreaded breakfast burrito!  In my fridge right now and on the plates of my children resides various versions and iterations of eggs, cheese, potatoes, and bacon.  It's all around me.  It's closing in.  And here I sit.  Drinking my juice.  It'd better be good!

2 Green Apples
4 Carrots
1 Sweet potato
1 Cucumber
1 1/2 Lemon
5 Grapes

It's no bacon, but it's pretty solid.  I've got to go the store quick and get some more supplies as I fear that without reenforcements, I won't resist the dastardly breakfast burrito for long.  I'd better get to work before I "clean up the kitchen".


Crap.  Working and lost track of time.  It's 2pm and I am not feeling well.  I am grumpy.  My last juice was at 9:00am and I am woefully low on supplies.  To the kitchen!  A quick inventory reveals I've got:

1 Green apple
1 Cucumber
1 1/2 Lemon
2 Big handfuls of spinach
1 Piece of ginger
1 Beet

I "decide" to green it up.  I throw the beet back in the bin for another (when-I-am-out-of-my-mind-and-forget-that-I-still-really-really-dislike-beets) day and run everything through the juicer.  (I'm not sure if I washed it or who I yelled at in the process - sorry kids.)  It's pretty much my staple "light green" juice but it represents the sum total of my supplies.  I am grumpy for waiting this long to "eat" and for running this low on supplies.  The juice doesn't taste good.  (Clarification - It never tastes "good" but in this case I think it's more me being upset that I have no choice)  Lesson learned - Don't run out of supplies or you will have to "force juice" and that tastes particularly bitter.  (I didn't even get a picture.  Bitter and grumpy)


What is my deal!!  It's 6:30pm and I am "starving" again.  The "work work" is taking it's toll.  I put my head down and get to work, hours fly by, and the next thing I know I am grumpy and need food.  And I am out, out, out of supplies.  I grab oldest daughter and my youngest son (no shoes) and head for the store.  (She needs "camp stuff".  He needs to be "out of his mom's way".  I may be grumpy and out of food, but I am still smart enough not to leave the toddler home while she's napping.  I've been married longer than that boys!)

My daughter jumps in the car and on her phone and 1/2 mile down the road informs me that the party is at 6:30 not 8:30.  This is the first I am hearing of said party but upon hearing the required "mom said", I head for the other side of the valley.  Now it's almost 7:00, I have a toddler (who my daughter wound up before she departed), and no supplies.  I hit the grocery store with my (no shoes) toddler and there are no "sit-your-toddler-here-and-strap-them-in" carts. (Thanks cart guys)  To his joy and delight, I let him ride on the front of the tiny, two level carts that I vastly perfer when shopping alone and we head out.

$50 later (doing this isn't cheap, it's just good for you) I have all my supplies and enough bagged Cherrio-like cereal to last for a few days.  (NO, I am not juicing Cheerios.)  I get home and announce too loudly that I haven't eaten in a week and I need to juice before I talk to anyone.  At the grocery store I picked up some plums.  Don't even know if I can/should juice them (remember, I am "teaching" myself this whole thing.  *I'll look it up tonight*) but I run:

4 Plums
2 Apples
1 Cucumber
5 Kale leaves
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Packing of Spinach

Through the juicer.  (Insert straw.  Aaah.  Forgot the ice.  Needs a minute to cool.)  At this point the family dinner of BBQ Chicken, Rice, and French Bread hits the table.  (I begin to guzzle)  I cut up the toddlers chicken (faster) and scoop a tablespoon of butter on his rice (I could pull a golf ball through a garden hose I am sucking so hard on the straw.  Where is my Chill Pipe!!)  I better leave the table.  (Ooops!  No picture!)

The rest of the night is hard.  Partly because I have forgotten twice to juice on time.  I also didn't even contemplate my "Snack".  I have (unintentionally) been low on my water intake and I did just get back from two FULL days in the sun.  But the worst of it is the gallon-sized Ziploc bag on the counter full of garlic bread.  (It's 5 hours since dinner)  In one last act of grumpy defiance, I drop the frying pan (I haven't used one in 7 days but someone under 18 made eggs this morning) into the drying rack and write a "Calvinist-like" declaration of the NEW rules of the kitchen:

I am pretty sure I am still here.  I didn't make anyone cry (that I know of) and I didn't die.  The bright side is that the kitchen will be clean or I don't have to buy any more (non-juicing) groceries anymore.  Hope they like Cheerio-like cereal.

1 comment:

  1. Dan, you need to teach one of your kids (probably your oldest & very responsible girl) how to juice. Then tell her DON'T let me go past --o'clock with out "eating". It is ok to ask for help & maybe she will help you find some new yummy recipes. Love you. Take care of yourself!