Sunday, July 15, 2012

DAY 9: Sunday, That's my fun day.

I have never blamed anything on the juice.  Lack of preparation - My fault.  Lack of timing - My fault.  (Reminder - Drink before you are hungry.  Otherwise, symptoms may include confusion, lack of focus, wandering around your office, grumpiness, irritability, etc.)  However, today at church I just couldn't keep my eyes open.  I fought it through the hymns.  I fought it through the talks.  At one point, while resting my eye, I think some people even thought I was asleep.  It can only be the juice - usually I am bright eyed and bushy tailed for the whole meeting.  Weird huh?


@The Spanglers - Getting someone else to do this for me would be awesome.  But then I would probably blame them for when the juice tastes bad.  Better just set up an alarm or two on my phone.  Keeps everyone else out of the line of fire.

@Alisa - Thanks for the support.  And for not hating me when I mess up your otherwise spotless kitchen.

@Mandy - Energy has been good.  There was also a lot of good stuff to keep me distracted.


Before leaving for Tarahumaras, I decided an extra green juice would 1) help me justify getting off the bandwagon a bit, and 2) help fill me up so I wouldn't get ALL THE WAY off the bandwagon.  Call it a snack.  Call it an offering to the juice demons, a snack, or a primer, it was:
"Fire water"

1 Packing of spinach
1 Kale leaf
1 1/2 Cucumber
1 Little bunch of cilantro
1 Green apple
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Whole jalapeno

You may recall from DAY 2, I had tried jalapeno once before and it added no heat at all.  Well, that was 1/2 a jalapeno with the insides scraped out.  This time I cut the top off and threw the whole thing down the chute.  I finished up the juice, added the ice, and started cleaning up. Up walks my oldest daughter.  Her - "I want a sip."  Me - (thinking of the jalapeno) "You don't want any of that juice it's . . . "  Her - (thinking I was saying she couldn't handle it) "I want to some."  Me - (I'd like to say here that I told her it had a jalapeno and that I was proud of her for being willing to try new things, etc.  Instead, I said,) "Go ahead."

Well, she takes a sip, looks at me and smiles.  Then it kicks in.  The entire jalapeno in a short juice glass.  She told me it was like eating an ice cube that suddenly caught on fire.  Not to be outdone and to prove that I could handle some heat, stuck in the straw and began sucking it down.  First of all - GROSS!  This was a bad decision.  The juice alone was foul and needed to be drunk very quickly to survive.  That was fine but when you stopped to breath or squelch a gag, the heat kicked in and then the face.  Like a bear stung on the nose by a bee.  Shake, squelch, pucker, shake.  Not a good juice.

Back to Sunday . . . 


A quick glass of OJ and off to church.  Maybe it's because I bought sweet potatoes this time and not yams, but this batch a) wasn't as orange and b) didn't keep me awake at all.


I am not sure if it was an attempt at penance for straying (on purpose) from my juice fast (BTW - I am going to keep this as un-modified a juice fast as possible), or bravado because I thought I had become immune from the gagifying taste of the kale/cucumber/celery combo but I decided for lunch I would tackle a batch of Joe Cross's "Mean Green" juice:

"Mean Green"
6 Kale leaves
1 Cucumber
4 Celery stalks
2 Green apples
1/2 Lemon
1 piece of ginger

(This is the official juice Joe lived off for 60 days.  It is the reason I almost didn't attempt this challenge in the first place.  It makes about a 1.5 jars of juice.  I scaled the recipe back a bit to get this much juice.)  Man OH MAN!  This stuff is SO foul that I literally (usually I speak quite figuratively) almost lost it all over the table.  

Now, you may recall I am pig headed. (My daughter appears to have a pretty hefty dose as well)  I haven't thrown away a juice yet and this was to be NO exception.  I stuck in the ice and the chill pipe and went to work.  It was only bad when I stopped drinking really really fast.  My oldest son watched me and asked, "Is that really that bad?"  I replied (after retching, shaking and cursing him for making me stop drinking to answer his questions, "Have you EVER seen me make THIS face before?"  (For those of you juicers out there that can drink this stuff - day in and day out for one guy I know - I salute you.  You have far more fortitude than I do.  Kudos bretheren.)


Lunch was at 1pm.  I got no nap.  (That is NOT a good Sunday practice.  Sunday is called a day of rest for many, many reasons.  One of them is to take a nap.)  Then came the realization that my oldest was going on a scout camp tomorrow and I hadn't looked at the packing list.  Then came the 20 questions from each of my other children.  Then came "Family Home Evening" (a wonderful tradition in my church that I really do enjoy.  Today's was just tougher than some).  Then it was 8pm and I was grumpy.  (Huh.  I wonder why?  No nap - check.  Stress packing - check.  Locked my keys in my car - forgot to mention that one - check.  Haven't had any "food" in 7 hours on a juice fast - check. check. check.  Ooops.)

(not actually what I drank)
I can now add one more reason not to forget to juice.  Poor recipe skills - check!  I almost hesitate to put this recipe on the blog in fear that someone else will inadvertently recreate it.  In a state of grumpy disillusion, I wrongfully concocted:

1 1/2 Sweet potato
1 Cucumber
2 Green Apples
1 Handful baby carrots
1 1/2 Lemon 

This is not bad in the sense of the "Mean Green" I consumed for lunch.  That is a well built juice recipe that just happens to disagree with my palate in every way.  THIS monstrosity was just wrong on so many levels.  Ironically, my oldest actually said to me (for the first time since beginning JuiceIRL), "Hey Dad.  That one doesn't look half bad.  What's in it?"  I told him.  "Oh. (nervous that I may offer him some) Never mind."  It was milky, greenish, orangish putrescence in a jar.  (My phone died so no actual picture.  The eyeball thing is a candle I found on the web.)  I utilized ever bit of cubic volume of the Chill Pipe and all my lung capacity and took it down in two pulls.  Even with velocity, this one was just a crime against juicing nature.  DO NOT ATTEMPT.  This is not the cinnamon challenge people.  If you are going to drink this, don't film it for YouTube, have poison control on stand-by instead.  Bad.  Bad.  BAD.

I am not going to lie.  Today has been hard.  Probably the hardest day I have had.  First the "Fire Water".  Then a taste of real food.  (Then no nap - except if you believe the guy sitting behind me in church)  Then the "Mean Green".  Then "Milk Weed".  (Good name for it.)  I have, even before my Dinner disaster (but after waiting 7 hours to juice ironically) contemplated several times today just giving up.  I'm down ten right?  Pretty good.  But my goal was more.  

(Actually haven't set a goal or a time frame.  Maybe it's time to consider one.  You - "Or quit.  This sounds really horrible."  It's like a blog/juicing train wreck.)

P.S. My daughter 'enjoying' the "Fire Water" juice.


  1. Thanks for making me look so good (with keeping the kitchen spotless ;p)

    And for the record I had to poke you at least once in Church to wake you up. Love!

  2. @Alisa - See. Like I said, "While resting my eye, I think some people even thought I was asleep." It must have been the juice. I never do that. ;p

  3. I am in tears reading this post. Your bad day sure has made a good end to mine. Thanks!

    1. @Katie - Thank you for enjoying my pain. It has been a challenging journey thus far. As a diet, it's been fine. As an exercise in finding things to "eat", I am a novice and am suffering for it. Time to turn to the WWW and find some good recipes.

  4. I now know what recipes to NOT try!

    1. @Anissa - Ya. The last 24-hours have been a disaster. I wish I could say I was doing it for "blog production value" then at least it would serve a purpose. Unfortunately, these were my meals. I managed to get and keep all of them down. Never again. Thanks for reading.

  5. I always knew you were funny, but really this has taken it to a whole new level. I loved reading all your entries!

    1. @Renee - I am glad everyone liked today. Most of the time, I am telling the story in the most entertaining way I can but today just felt different. I was NOT having a good day. Sometimes that makes the best entertainment.

      Are you not entertained?! - M.A.

  6. Lol, I felt like I was right there next to you. I love peppers in juice. My tip is that when juicing think about what you would put together on a plate and then juice it instead. So far this technique has worked for me. I can't stand Joes Mean Green, don't forget he had other juices to and the mantra 'eat from the rainbow'...juice on :)

    1. @Sarah - Eat from the rainbow huh? Can you really juice Skittles? I'll have to watch Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead again. I thought it was just the one (horrifyingly terrible) juice.

      Do you have recipes you recommend on your blog?

    2. @Sarah (again) - I like your "Juice On" much more than my "Don't die" but for now, mine is my goal. :)

    3. Hi Dan,
      I did actually reply to this but am having trouble psoting opn blogger blogs. I need to figure out the RSS feed too so I can keep up with your blog as I think you are a natural at blogging and enjoy reading your posts so much....I recommed all my recipes :) lol, but C+ and Sunset seem to be the most popular.

  7. Haha sounds like you had some pretty nasty juices! I'll remember to never try those. Good job with the juicing! Sounds like you are doing great :) Keep going!

    1. @Natalie -

      Yes. Today was bad. I am sorry you had so much trouble the first few days. Hope the modified goes well.

      Thanks for reading. Gives me accountability. And as always - Don't die.

  8. Wow. I feel your pain. Im always trying to experiment with ingredients that are MOST beneficial. I have learned that you cannot juice them together at the same time. Ugh. Thanks for posting the mean green recipe, watched the movie and was wondering what it was. I will try it out of sheer principal. Lol. Just remember, were all in this "juicing adventure" together, and will come out healthier, stronger and "greener" together! Juice on, brother!

    1. @Lisa - Good luck with the "Mean Green" stuff is tough to stomach IMO. I have "eaten" more fresh fruits/veggies in these 11 days than in my whole life. My goal at this point - Get it down & Don't die.