Tuesday, July 10, 2012

DAY 3 - Oh boy.

Welcome one and all to the JuiceIRL Membership Drive.  If you are enjoying the programming you are hearing here on JuiceIRL, tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell complete strangers.  It won't cost you a thing.  (Sorry, I'm all out of commemorative tote bags.)  This seems to be working.  Not the juicing, the writing.  Don't get me wrong, I am still on the juicing bandwagon and all, but I have been surprised - nay shocked - at the support.  People are reading and commenting.  I'm pretty sure most of them (you know who you are) are waiting to see if I die mid-sentence.  But hey . . . I feel a little like a juice-making Maximus Aurelius!  Are you not entertained?!  
MC Escher eat your heart out.
A picture of my blog on my blog.  Whoa!
DAY 2.1

First of all, last night at about 10:45pm I needed my "snack".  Since I know of no rule that says I can't, I fired up the juicer and concocted:

1 - Cucumber (yes, the whole thing.  I ain't yellah!)
2 - Green Apples
1 - Pinky sized piece of Ginger.

Let me be frank.  (You: "Be whoever you want.  It's your blog.")  I still hate juiced veggies.  Cucumbers and I will never be friends.  But I am either losing my taste buds or my mind because I almost (almost) enjoyed it.  The combination of juice fast and the lack of a Sunday nap is getting to me.  I better stop writing or I may regret it.  Anyway, I have to go clean my juicer for the 4th time today.  Wha. Wha.  If I find a juice I like - that I think is healthy enough to "qualify" - I may have to start making batches.  This dishes thing is getting old.

DAY 3 - My first "Real" day

So how's this for real.  I go to bed just before 2:00am and am awake before 7:00.  No, I am not brimming with new found energy and a zest for life thank you very much, but I am up none the less.  I waited up until after mid-night so I could go to the store for more supplies.  No shopping on Sunday - check.  Lamest "beverage run" in history - check.  I got the requisite carrots, cucumbers, apples, etc. and even went a little crazy and bought 3 cantaloupe (brain's ok I can still spell it), and a couple mangoes.  Man, if I'm getting this geeked-out over supplies at this point imagine a couple days from now!  Weeeeeee!

Anyway,  This morning I decide to "batch" up some "OJ" (see yesterdays post for details), but I am feeling a little guilty that I enjoyed it SO much.  "Must mean it's not good for me."  So I decide to green it up a bit.  Here are the results:

Blender 1 - the pretty one
1 - Cantaloupe
2 - Sweet potatoes
5 - Carrots

Blender 2 - the evil green
1 - 1/2 lb bag of spinach
1 - Cucumber

Don't let the little picture fool you, that is A LOT of spinach/cucumber juice.  (It's a big blender OK!)  So much so that I almost chucked the whole second blender.  Oh the siren song of my beloved OJ.  I'll spare the horror of what my beautiful OJ looks (or tastes like) after I mix these two vessels together but I packed it all up in two mason jars, some bags of ice and a padded cooler and headed to work.  Wish me luck.  This is when the IRL of JuiceIRL really kicks in.

@work - OK.  This stuff is bad.  Not bad like straight "Mean Green" bad.  Not even bad like cucumber/celery bad.  But it's no OJ let me tell ya.  It's like OJ got jumped by cucumber and they are fighting in my mouth.  Cantaloupe up front - evil cucumber aftertaste.  Live and learn.  (Thank goodness for spell check I almost spelled that "lirn".  Cantaloupe.  Yep still good.)  I can't taste the 2 tons of spinach at all.  It's like it isn't there.  I'll have to Google this and see if I have to have cucumber.  (Maybe I'll ask ChaCha: "Do I have to ruin my day by drinking cucumber juice."  That should come up with some fun results.)

@work update - I RUINED MY OJ!  First jar down.  BTW - the cucumber taste stays with the cup.  Chuck the ice, chuck the cup.  I figured out it was best to shake up the mason jar, and suck down 1/2 a jar or so in one shot.  I tried to drink from the same plastic cup I had my first morning juice in and it was like lightly cucumbery (gagifying) icewater similar to a ladies book club "punch".  It never went away!  I drank 2 full cups of water trying to see if it would go away.  I cheated and added Crystal Light to the 3rd.

@work update - Today was HARD HARD HARD.  I went too long between juices.  At one point I think I was wandering the halls.  A co-worker asked me if I was OK.  I'd "remember" why I felt funny and pound down some juice and water and be fine.  I ended up walking in the heat and driving all over kingdom come.  I forgot water and juice during all this.  Bad idea.  Very bad idea.


If you can call running in the door at 8:10pm, draining the last 1/3 of a mason jar of ruined OJ, and piling three kids in the car dinner then that's what this is.  Otherwise, it's Real Life!  When I got home from the rushed round trip, I was cranky, my head hurt and I knew I needed either a Twinkie or a juice.  Since I knew I would have to face all of you (who am I kidding, I could have just stop writing and you'd all just assume I'd died), I decided to juice:

1 - Gala Apple
1 - Carrot
1 - Sweet potato
1 - Red Pepper (a really big one)
1 - Mango

Funny story about the mango.  I cut it in half and before I could even stop myself, I had shoved the free half in my mouth skin and all and began sucking like a new born giraffe.  I was out of my mind.  I think I swallowed the sticker.  I barely got the skin out before it went down the hatch.  I'm not sure what that was but I now identify with the zombies from the Walking Dead.  (Can't wait for Season 3.  AMC send me a t-shirt.  Shhhhh.  Don't tell.  It's bad.  Don't watch it.)

Anyway, the mango aside (better yet - inside), I have to tell you 1) this was supposed to have 2 beets in it (imagine what color it would have been then - this stuff was already like traffic cone paint) and 2) the red pepper overwhelmed everything.  I mean up front you could taste some mango but stop drinking and that red pepper hit like a hammer.  I like red peppers.  Roasted on pizza they are awesome.  Grilled in Fajitas they are superb.  Juiced - not the best.  Don't believe me?  I'll make you some Traffic Cone any time you want to challenge me on this one!  (Bring it on!!!)


I read somewhere that I was supposed to start and end the day with herbal tea.  I have some left over from HCG.  It's probably still good right?  (Wrong.  It's herbal tea.  It wasn't good when it was fresh.)  I am drinking some Orange Spice with some extra lemon in it.  Passable.  Could be worse.  Could be celery.


Today was my first IRL day.  I learned that there is no such thing as regular day.  I didn't get enough sleep.  My wife ran me around Temple Square and the Tabernacle.  (It was really cool to see her in action.)  I had to work on spreadsheets and getting people through the hiring process.  I forgot to drink until I was woozy.  I had a hecka crazy rushing evening from Costco, to car swaps, to canyon runs, to dealing with kids (who are awesome BTW).  Juicing lessons you say?  How about:

1. Morning juice should be something you like.  It's your breakfast after all and it's going to get you through the morning.
2. Drink before you are woozy.  It scares people when you stumble around the office.  (Sorry Steph)
3. Drink out of the jar or a glass or a disposable cup you never want to see again.  Plastic + Cucumber is an eternal union.  Trust me - it ain't pretty.
4. Bringing your juice on ice in a puffy little cooler give you ice for your ice-water.
    (Hey a positive note!  Better quit)

P.S. Thanks for reading.  Seriously.  Even if you aren't, it feels like you are and it keeps me going.  Still here. Still alive.  I went a little zombie giraffe baby on a mango and got a little extra sticker/fiber in the process.  Didn't make anyone else cry.  Managed to smile a few times and even hugged one of my kids.  Good day.  Good day.

Hurry and tell your friends about this.  I may keel over tomorrow.


  1. How I miss your sense of humor!! Very entertaining. Good luck!

    1. @Amy - Thanks for reading. I have discovered and Ugana Boogana juice that I'll share later this week.