Saturday, July 14, 2012

DAY 8: What is that funny feeling?

La Piazza al Forno's "The Italian Stallion" Pizza
(You - Is he off the wagon?  Good.  I can stop reading this crap.  Me - No.  Just dreaming.)

I had a fun date last night.  My wife and I put on Burn Notice and she fell asleep.  She woke up a little while later and we put on White Collar.  She fell back asleep.  That ended so I put on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (still sleeping) which used to be my favorite show because I love funky, hole-in-the-wall, non-chain restaurants.  I've tried several of Guy's finds and with rare exception have been very, very pleased.  Places that do it right are the best.  Watching last night was a double shot of torture.  I really wanted to see the family owned pizza place in Glendale, AZ but I was 1) really tired, and 2) not in the best frame of mind to watch other people eat really gooey, cheesy wood-fired pizza.  (I will go to this place some day.  Moderation and a good bike ride will help me keep it in check)


I don't really have one.   But too cool.
Due to a nearly forgotten commitment, the family found itself piled into the Wagon Queen Family Truckster bright and early and heading for the church.  Balancing a lack of planning with a desperate need for a "pick-me-up", I whipped up:

12 Green Grapes
24 Baby Carrots

No fuss.  No muss.  No washing, prepping, or cutting.  We hit the church and were promptly assigned bathroom detail (attn: foreshadowing)  The other two families with their respective herd-o-kids in tow had already dusted and vacuumed so we scrubbed, sprayed, mopped and wiped away for an hour.  I got home, decided I needed some greens (big plans tonight), and pulled out the supplies and juiced:

2 Green Apples
2 Plums (They're small)
4 Carrots
1 Cucumber
1 1/2 Lemon
1 Packing of spinach
3 Kale leaves

It was green.  Very green.  It (as shown here) is not for the faint of heart.  One trick about juicing kale is to remove the rib.  Some of them can be bigger around than a pencil.  Plums are good but they add a sludge-like consistency that I am not sure I can continue to endorse.  (Oh ya.  I was going to see if they were even on the Reboot approved list.  Ooops.  Homework for tomorrow.)

You may be asking, "This guy hates vegetables and drinks that?"  I have a theory.  Several actually:

Australia is entirely a land of criminals
1.  I have become dead inside and can no longer taste anything.
2.  I have built up an Iocane Powder like immunity to veggies.
3.  It's the lemon.

I'm not sure.  I hope this experience is preparing me for a life rich in all things green and formerly growing, but I have a feeling it's the lemon that is making it possible to juice spinach and kale and keep it down.  I made short work of the greenery and started searching for my missing Chill Pipe.

WARNING - If you are a 12 to 14 year-old boy, this is your kind of humor.  If not, read at your own risk.

Toddler Docking Station?
Despite my best efforts, I was unable to get to Wal-Mart yesterday to really get stocked up on supplies.  And two of my girls needed 1) the camp supplies unsecured on our last/failed trip, 2) a birthday present for a party with her little friends.  We're charging through Wally-World shopping like Dad (search and destroy, no doddling) when I get the all to familiar while you're juicing feeling that I have to pee.  Nearly completed with task #1, I realize there is a persistent, odd, pressure feeling from within my bowels.  (Me - "Huh.  What's that.  OH YA.  #2!  Woo hoo!)  You see, not having consumed a great deal of solid materials, the frequency /urgency of #2 is a rarity.  I was beginning to worry that the plumbing was non-functional or something so this was a welcome opportunity to insure that things were working as advertised.  If you're 12 to 14, you're laughing because I am talking about poop.  The rest of you are gritting your teeth hoping this doesn't get worse.  Here's the punch line.  I step into the stall and find bolted on the wall the funniest contraption I have ever seen.  Granted, it's been a while since I've been in this part of the bano, but when did this become a part of our society?  (Junior.  Daddy's got some business to take care of.)  All I can think of is an iPod docking station meets a car-seat.


Tonight we celebrate our dear friend's birthday.  This typically involves a multitude of couples piling into the Truckser and heading for Mexican food.  So dinner tonight will NOT be a typical event for me.  Juicing or better said, a juice fast, involves eating nothing.  You get all of your nutrients through a straw.  Under Reboot guidelines however, it's more about a fruit and (predominantly) vegetable based diet.  Because I am making up my own rules, I am on a self-modified juice fast.  I still plan on having 3 to 4 liquid meals a day and avoiding chewing at every turn.  But dinner with friends - consisting of a lot of salad and a lot of salsa - shouldn't pull me too far from the path to en-lighten-ment (aka - dropping the LB's).  (You - "JuicerDan, Wouldn't that mean either that you are a hypocrite or you didn't fail when you went to Chili's and devoured a table full of buffalo chicken salad?"  Me - "Good questions You.  No.  One both counts.  I am as stated in the prologue making this up as I go along.")


  1. Thanks for the sacrifice for your "dear" friend. I am guessing that Alisa clued you into that conversation. I am finally reading through all your posts and laughing and feeling like I am weak.

  2. I like your blog :) and I love the Princess Bride, you've inspired me to create a juice with it in mind....hmmmm, wheels are turning.